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Cheap Date with a Naked Grape

6/24/2017

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Gotta admit. I’ve passed this bad boy a few times in the wine aisles and thought, “I should try that one.” I mean…come on. It says “naked” on the bottle.
 
The labels of The Naked Grape also have a little saying on each of the labels. This one says,
 
Naked Truth #4: Good deeds are eventually rewarded.
 
Aww. So the wine has uplifting words and alcohol. Good job.
 
Normally this wine would be out of my $5 limit, but it was ON SALE

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This bottle retails for $9.99 at my Kroger, but was on sale for $4.99 this week. YAHHHS. (**NOTE: This is why you're seeing an early post here instead of Lust With a Laugh.)

So needless to say, this wine better meet some high expectations. We got some fancy shit in the wine cooler today.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

This is a Moscato with a light yellow color. From the label, it says we can expect a bit of fizz, along with some peach and orange blossom. 

Considering tropical storm Cindy blew into town the night I'm drinking this, and the sky has been nothing but clouds and rain, I could use a little sunny fruit to make up for it.

The back of the bottle tells you to “BARE IT ALL.” The bottle puts this in all caps. This wine must be for nudists. 

The cork also says to bare it all. This  wine really wants you to get naked. They also have a FaceBook page. Hold up. What are they sharing on this page?

HA! They have the wine I am about to try in a box next to a dancing watermelon wearing sunglasses. Technically the watermelon is wearing glasses. No, the watermelon didn’t bare it all. 

No naked people either. There are lots of wine recipes and some crafty things. I think they confused FB with Pinterest. They need a Pinterest page. Also, while doing crafts with wine is super fun, I don’t think it’s conducive to following recipes and instructions.

And the comments all seem to be people bitching about not getting a rebate. 

Hold up. You can get rebates on wine?!?! Why did no one fill this cheap ass chick in on that shit?

Then some chick talking about trying to fit her wine charms on red solo cups. That chick is awesome and I want to be her friend.

Then there was this guy. 

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I feel you, man. I feel you.
 
FIRST SNIFF
 
Strong aroma of fruit, but with enough tartness to be enjoyable. Not too sweet. At least it doesn’t smell like it. I’ve been fooled before.
 
THE POUR
 
While it’s not a champagne-style bubble fest, there are some bubbles in this wine. They line the edge of the glass when you swirl it around.
 


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FIRST SIP
 
This is more than “light fizz”. While it doesn’t look like sparkling wine, it does almost taste like it. It has bubbles against my tongue and gives that same delightful bite nipping at my tastebuds.
 
It is a very sweet wine, BUT it tastes like a sweetness that comes from more natural sugars than some of the awful wines I’ve tried.
 
TBH, this doesn’t taste like booze. This almost tastes like that sparkling grape juice you got as a kid so you could toast with the grownups at fancy events. I loved that stuff. I was known to take down multiple bottles when my cousins didn’t like it.
 
HUBBY TEST
 
In case you’re new here, my hubby is now required to taste wines with me. He is my full-sugar soda/dark beer loving guy. Basically he likes all the things I don't.

​I handed the glass to him and didn’t tell him anything about what I thought because I was pretty sure he’d like this one, but I didn’t want him to be influenced by my thoughts.

 
He gave me the usual shit about how I “Use him” to further my blog. I gave him the usual command to shut up and just try it.
 
I was so proud when he sniffed the glass like a real wine reviewer.
 
Then he drank it, and wrinkled his brow for a few before declaring it tasted like slightly flat champagne. I went to take the glass away and he let me know (as he took another sip) that’s not a bad thing at all.
 
He took one more sip before I went back inside.
 
This one gets the sweet drinker hubby’s seal of approval, y’all!

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FINAL VERDICT
 
This one lived up to my expectations. It’s light and fruity, without tasting like it was drowned in corn syrup to make it sweet.
 
The fizzy aspect makes it a blend between wine and champagne that works well, and would be a hell of a mixer for some homemade sangria or other mixed drinks.
 
I can see why they have recipes on their FB. But I still think they need to move that ish to Pinterest where it belongs.
 
If this is still on sale, I’m grabbing a few more for the wine fridge. Because this one probably won’t last the night.

~Roxy

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ROBOSEX Rides Again

6/22/2017

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A couple years ago I wrote a story. I giggled the entire time I was writing, and when I was done, I fell in love. I sent this story off to my then editor and said, "I love this. I have no idea what to call it, or what to do with it, but I love it."

She didn't know what to do with it either, which is why I think it floundered in the piles of books. But now I have my rights back, and Coral-600 is getting a new look and a new title.


Coming July 4th, get ready to read some CPU-melting fun and find out for yourself that pleasure is not a malfunction, with Virgin on Human.

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​What do you think of Coral's new cover? I am smitten. A huge thanks to QDesign for putting together what I didn't know I needed for this series. 

Virgin on Human will be available in both print and ebook format this time. Check back here for the pre-order details. Or follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Trust me, I will let you know when this bad boy goes live. 


​~Roxy

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