I am not one to enjoy or go looking for drama. I'd much rather live in my little bubble where I can pretend everyone gets along with each other. Now...don't get me wrong. When I see a lot of subtweeting, does my nosey ass want to know exactly what all these folks are pissed about? Hell, yes! But I try not to go looking for it if it's not in my face.

YouTube videos have been my obsession for quite some time now. I'd much rather consume content through that platform than television. I can't remember the last time I turned on the TV for something other than video games. That might change when Superstore comes back, but otherwise, I'm on my computer.

And something I've noticed a TON of lately, are apology videos. They've been littering my home page. Often titled, "I'm sorry..." or "My truth..." or "I need to be honest..." these videos are long trips down the excuse highway. If I'm coming to your channel to try and figure out how to finally do a damn cat eye (which still hasn't happened. I'm hopeless), I don't want to hear you ramble for 45 minutes about your tweets from five years ago.

I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I'm not going digging for it, so here's an article about how to apologize that I've referenced. Apologies don't need to be long and tear-filled to be done well. Like the article says...

1. Really be sorry
2. Validate the other person's feelings (And this doesn't mean some half-assed apology with "I'm sorry some people felt that way..." Fuck that. Apologize for what you did, not that people were offended.)
3. Explain what happened (Not how you're not really at fault...just the now understood incorrect frame of mind that got you there)
4. Admit your mistakes (Which is kind of the same thing as 3 IMO)
5. Explain what you'll do differently from here on out.

That does not take 45 minutes of video, youtubers. 

I appreciate it when people say they're sorry for things. I do. However, let's not turn it into a spectacle for you to cash in on. Which is why your video is so long in the first place, right? More commercial breaks?

Public apologies are weird in general, because most people don't need to make a statement when they fuck up. But folks in the public eye feel they need to parade themselves in front of a camera to emphasize how sorry they are. My opinion is, unless you change your actions, your vocalization of your fuck up doesn't mean shit.

Honestly, if you change what you're doing, unless you've personally wronged me, I don't need the apology at all. And if you've personally wronged me, you need to tell me you're sorry, not put it in a video.

What is your opinion on the public apology trend on YouTube lately? Or on public apologies in general? Do you think they are necessary? Do you think they are effective? I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

​~Roxy

Hubby was promoted earlier this year. It was great for our financial picture, but not so hot for my schedule. Part of hubby's new role is taking customer calls for his team. Whenever they come in. And let me tell you, people are not at all considerate of what time of day it is. You not knowing how to reset your television box is not an excuse to call my husband at 11pm, Linda.

If you're making a complaint call, here's a pro-tip...be nice. If you are reasonable, people are likely to bend over backwards to help you. If you're an asshole, then don't expect anyone to go above and beyond.

Unfortunately, there's no way to screen these calls, and hubs has to have his phone on in case someone from his team calls off. Which also happens way too much, IMO. 

Hubby has the patience to do the job, but I'm struggling to have the patience to adapt to this new lifestyle. Which is why I've been on this big productivity and organization kick. Since he needs time to settle into his new job, I'm taking on a lot more responsibility at home. Meaning everything involved in day-to-day stuff for the whole family. He helps out as much as he can, but I need to keep track for the days he's gone. Running a family, especially on one vehicle isn't the easiest task. So I'm struggling.

But beyond the "on-call" lifestyle, I've realized that working from home means you're never off work. Ever. Turning on your computer, getting notifications that you know will only take a second to reply to or fix, means that you tend to work ALL THE TIME. 

So I'm trying out a few things.

1. Sprints are for more than just writing.

I've started using a timer to get cleaning done. Where I'd start cleaning and stop at the first notification blip before, I wait until my 20 minutes is up. I still answer phone calls, because I have to, but once the call is done, I reset the timer and try again. I'm always shocked at how much I accomplish in such a short time when I give myself permission to walk away from the the dings.

2. Meals are a priority.

Everything seems worse when I'm hungry. So no matter what I'm doing, I stop for lunch and dinner. And water consumption is important too. Using my 20 minute timer as a signal to refill my water bottle has helped me make sure I'm staying hydrated. My lips aren't as chapped since I started doing this, either. Which is nice, and tells me exactly how much I was neglecting my body before.

3. Top 3 

Because both hubs and I are at the mercy of other people for the majority of our days, schedules are more like guidelines. I might make a list of up to ten tasks that I'm going to try and tackle for the day, but I always break down a "Top 3". These things are usually meetings, showers, and feeding the family. If the whole day goes to shit, I drop everything else and move to the Top 3. If I get those three things accomplished, I'm okay. 

I also have a weekly To Do list in my planner of items I want to get accomplished. So if I find myself ahead of schedule for the day, I'll grab one of those items and try to check it off. 



The biggest lesson I've had these past few months, is that I have to be okay with being in charge of my reactions instead of my path. People are going to throw a wrench in my plans no matter how beautiful of a time block I create. Sometimes I self-sabotage that plan too, if I'm being real honest. The only thing I am one hundred percent in control of is how I react. 

Taking on a day with an I've-got-this attitude beats the heck out of a This-whole-day-is-ruined one. Maybe that's me becoming a mature adult?

*glances at fanfic notes about alien probes* 

Nah...I doubt it.


~Roxy

Seven is supposed to be a lucky number, so I'm going to start my day with writing down seven tasks I want to accomplish. 

Productivity is going to live here today. And there aren't going to be any excuses. Or at least no excuses that are going to stop me from getting shit done.

I am all about bribing and bargaining with myself to accomplish what I want. I found an awesome little article that had ideas for "155 ways to reward yourself", and I thought, hell...there have got to be at least 7 I can use today that are within my budget and time constraints. Of course, I couldn't find many I wanted, but they did get my ideas flowing.

I've already knocked one task off my To Do list today, and this blog will be another. Already at 2 of 7 done? Heck, yeah.

So what I'm going to do is think of 7 things to reward myself with if I can accomplish all my tasks.

My seven bribes of today are... 

1. Starbucks fancy coffee drink
One of my other tasks is at Sbux, so I'm going to try and accomplish something else and see if I can get this reward while I'm there.

2. Paint my toenails
I've managed to get the glitter polish off my toes, but haven't had the chance to repaint. I'm going to give myself permission to pamper when I get another task done.

3. Sing loudly to a new fav song 
I'm currently obsessed with Honestly by Gabbie Hanna. I'm going to sing loudly with earbuds in to drown out my own voice.

4. Eat a fudge pop
I have resisted the box of fudgsicles in my freezer. Accomplishing a task will give me permission to splurge.

5. 30 minute listen to current audio book
Right now I'm listening to Wolf With Benefits by Shelly Laurenston. I'm 10 hours in and it's a struggle to put it down, so I'm saving this one for near the end.

6. 10 minutes of phone games. 
I'm on a streak in candy crush soda. So I've got all kinds of fancy candies waiting for me to crush them.

7. Listen to a podcast.
The "Special Secret Content" is out for Print Run, and I'm dying to dig in. 

What are your favorite bribes? Let's make our own list, because one of the ones on the list I linked is to re-organize your closet, and I'm not about that life. Let's convince our inner procrastination to take a hike together.

~Roxy

This blog is going to be a bit free form. I was drinking out of my favorite coffee mug today, and a grin crossed my face. Something as simple as a mug that feels good in my hand, holds a massive amount of coffee, and is visually appealing to me, made my face make the massive effort of tipping up the corners of my mouth.

Why is that a big deal? Well, for a lot of reasons. But the main one that got me thinking on it was the twelve hour work shift I pulled yesterday. We had a kid walk off the job without notice and because my store runs so close to the wire with employees, it set off a shit storm that is going to take a good week to dig out of. Oh, by the way kid, fuck you.

Yet here I am this morning, getting ready to head back to the evil day job, and I'm smiling. Everyone has different definitions of happiness and lofty goals they aspire to where they think happiness grows like weeds. As I'm getting...ahem...more mature...I'm realizing there's no one place for a person where happiness lives. There's no grand accomplishment that is going to have a smile permafixed on your face.

So it's moments like the one I'm having right now that mean the world. A mug from the dollar tree made me smile today. Sometimes a cute sticker placed in my planner gives me a giggle. A good book that makes me laugh out loud can make my day brighter. That's my happiness. 

Daily struggles, and difficult meetings (like the one I'm going to have to go to tomorrow) have weighed me down so much in recent years that I forgot to keep my eyes open for the joy. 

I'm keeping a gratitude space open in my planner now. For the last 9 weeks, I've written just a fragment of a sentence of something I'm grateful for. Even if I've had a bad day, there's always something good buried inside it. This morning, I woke up an hour before my alarm. Damn cat. But although I could look at it as something bad, I realized, luxuriating in the A/C and snuggling under a blanket was so nice after a difficult and hot day at work yesterday. 

I found the happiness. Training my brain has taken me some serious time, but putting in that little bit of effort every single day has helped me realize I have so much to be happy for. 

I'm off to do my meditation, before getting ready for work. But before I go, I have a challenge for you...

Write down one thing that made you happy today. Or if you're reading this as your day gets started, write down one thing you are grateful for from yesterday. Put it in your planner, or write it on a post-it. Take pen to paper and put something that makes you smile front and center. 

Life is too short not to find the joy.

​~Roxy

I was in the mood to do something frivolous this morning. I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning the house, doing dishes, and conquering the piles of laundry. After the second scrubbed toilet, I need a palette cleanser. 

So I thought I'd take a buzzfeed quiz this morning. I found the perfect one to take while sipping on my own coffee. I'm drinking some Seattle's Best Very Vanilla, if you were curious. 

But this quiz promises to tell me what I should drink based on my morning routine! Perfect. Let's do this. You can take the quiz with me by clicking HERE.

QUESTION 1
What time do you get up?

Well...I get up at 5am, but that's not an option, so this already is not going to work. How will I ever know what coffee is best for me now? I'm picking the earliest option which is 6am.

QUESTION 2
How many times do you hit the snooze button?

I tend to get up and get moving when my alarm goes off, but with my recent bouts with late nights thanks to hubby's schedule, I have hit the snooze a few times. So I'm going with "Depends on how tired I am."

QUESTION 3
How long is your shower?

What is this shower you speak of? I think you spelled dry shampoo and spray deodorant wrong. I'm a girl with a lot of brightly colored hair. So when I have to shower it's an event. We're going with the 10-20 minute option.

QUESTION 4
How often do you make your bed?

People still do that after they move out of their parents' house? That's a great big never from me.

QUESTION 5
Which activity would you never skip in the morning?

This is a quiz about coffee. Why is coffee not an option here?!?! Okay, if I'm honest, it's got to be checking up on my phone.

QUESTION 6
What do you grab on your way out the door?

Again...why is coffee cup not an option here? I never leave without my kindle, so I'll check the book option.

QUESTION 7
How do you get to work?

Where is the option of stumbling into your office in your PJ's? This quiz is going to be totally wrong. But for my Evil Day Job, I do drive. So the car option it is.

QUESTION 8
What do you listen to on the way to work?

I listen to audio books...again, not an option. But I have listened to podcasts on occasion, and music if I'm in the plotting mode for a book. We'll go with podcast over music, because I think it's closer to audio books.


Okay, quiz. What coffee should I drink?

I do put milk in my coffee, and I do have a pumpkin spice once or twice a year, but not from McDonald's. Micky Dees tends to flavor and milk their coffee too much for my tastes. If I get coffee from them, it tends to be straight coffee with one cream and two sugars because they have a bitter bite. But with it being hot as hell out, I've been digging their frozen cold brew. I can taste the coffee in that one too.

Did you take the quiz? Were you able to match up to the answers? And if so, what coffee did you get?


​~Roxy

I've been talking a lot about fear lately. With pretty much anyone who will listen to me whine. 

I need to buy a lot of edible arrangements and send them to a lot of people. 

But I've been working on improving myself and part of improving is finding out where you're starting from. Which kinda sucks when you're as much of a scaredy cat as me.

Fear is a seriously paralyzing influence, so I thought I'd share the top 5 things I use to combat it.

1. Call that bitch out by name.

For a while I was even scared to say I was scared. Fear is kind of like Voldemort. The more you call it "The emotion that will not be named" instead of simply saying "I'm afraid", the longer you're going to be stuck there. 

I finally had to admit, when people asked me what was stopping me, that it was fear. And once I admitted where I was stuck, it was time to get my ass working my way out of it. 

Name your fear. Call it out. Then figure out where to stab the first of Fear's Horcruxes. 


2. Rewrite your truth

Journaling might not be for everyone, but it's been huge in me getting back out into the world. I write down everything I'm thinking. If I end up in a dark place, I take the time to take apart each sentence. I rewrite the bad. For every unrealistic tangent my brain takes me down, I put down reality, and then I turn it into something positive.

"I'm a failure."

Becomes...

"I've made mistakes."

Becomes...

"I know what not to do next time."

Which molds into... 

"I've got a brilliant plan to start moving forward on."


3. Meditate

Yes. I'm going to tell you to do it too. Yes. I'm going to repeat what all those self-help books have told you. Yes. You should do it daily.
I have a blog post on my favorites you can check out by clicking this sentence.


4. Take a baby step

I don't care if your step is sending an email, researching, or writing 500 words. Whatever project you're working on, taking even the smallest step forward can help build momentum. Fear tries to stop you from making any progress, so the biggest way to bitchslap fear is to do something to prove you haven't been beaten.


5. Bargain with or flat out bribe yourself

I literally talk myself into doing things some days. If you wander past my house, even when I'm all alone, you can hear me chatting myself up and telling myself what I'll get to do if I finish my tasks finished. From plotting books to cleaning the litterbox, I negotiate with my brain like it's a tantrum prone 5-year-old.

"If you get this plot finished, you can go to the craft store. Won't that be fun?"

"All you have to do is edit ten more pages, and then you can head to the coffee shop. You know how good it smells in there, don't you?"

Yes. When fear has it's claws in me, I need to talk to myself like a child. And I commonly use phrases like "All you have to do" and "Just finish up this one little thing" because if I downplay the task, it's easier to talk myself into starting. Which, when fear is involved, is often the hardest part.


Those are my top 5 fear fighters. And now I'd love to hear yours. Tell me in the comments below or drop me a line on Facebook or Twitter. I'd love to arm myself with even more ways to battle against fear. Fear sucks.

~Roxy

A long time ago in a world far far away, there were small book publishers kicking much ass.

Their names were Ellora's Cave and Samhain Publishing. I read many many books published by these companies and I adored the authors who wrote for them. 

Then one day I wrote a book. I promptly threw that book in the trash because that's where garbage belongs, but then I wrote more books, until I wrote one that I was willing to show people. This book was the start of a trilogy. Because I grew up in the 90's and I loved PNR trilogies. L.J. Smith was my girl. #teamdamon

I wanted to be a writer, so when a writer I admired agreed to read my book, I sent it off. Then she gave me a chance to send it to her editor. Her editor at...SAMHAIN PUBLISHING.

Oh, man. I loved that company. I loved their marketing. I loved shopping their website. 

They published my book.

This October will be my 5th year as an author because Samhain Publishing published my book. Yup. That book, right up there with the kickass model staring you down. 

But now...Samhain is closed and the book is just a file on my computer. 

And the fact that the book that made me a published author, that is the theme of my website, that earned me PAN status in RWA, is stuck on my computer...well it just plain sucks.

I've been working toward doing things that make me nervous. I've self-published a few of my titles that I thought might be too outside the box to find homes with other publishing houses. I've been working hard on a secret project. (No I'm not telling you about it. It's secret because I'm still in the fucking it all up phase.) And I've been getting more involved with my local Romance Writers of America chapter. Which is big for me, because I have to put on real pants and leave the house. You're super impressed, right?

The thing I haven't done that scares me the most, is re-read this first book. 

If you've never written a book before, let me let you in on a secret. You improve your craft with each book. You get a little better at story telling. You remember to turn on track changes for your poor editor. (Still sorry about that, Lisa!) 

All this means, I'm scared I'm not going to have the same love for my first baby. I'm scared I'm going to hate the book that made me an author. 

But I've learned a lot about myself in these past couple of years. And I've learned how knowing where you stand is the first step in moving forward. I adore my Hart Clan Hybrids. I've even refused to take them off this website because I love them so much. I think it's time Amber made her way back into the world.

I've been reading books by my favorite authors. I think it's time to re-read my own.

What are you doing today that scares you?

​~Roxy

I became obsessed with Tiny Houses a few years ago. And if I had the funds and the spare time, you bet your sweet ass there would be a tiny office in my back yard totally run off solar power and propane. Call it a she-shack, call it a tiny office, call it crazy...I want one.

But what really struck me while I was doing all the research about these small self-sufficient structures, was that they were the ultimate place for a forced proximity trope. I started following blogs about couples, and even families living full-time and traveling across the country in tiny houses. I was fascinated that people would be forced to spend that much time together. And I was damn impressed they stayed together with that much closeness. 

This video from Phillip Defranco's YouTube channel today, brought me back to the time I was neck-deep in the research. And it's a great watch if you're not familiar with the Tiny House movement.
​

What keeps drawing me back to tiny houses are the relationships people have to form or nurture while involved in this lifestyle. Between the builders, the communities that have been forming where the residents share resources or common areas, and even just being extremely close with the people you are sharing your personal space with...there's a lot of compromise and negotiations that have to occur. 

Basically, tiny houses are the perfect place for a close proximity trope in romance. That's what spurred the idea for my book, Love Shack. As interested as I was in unique staircase designs and multi-purpose furniture, I was even more enthralled with how a tiny living space would impact a relationship.

Keep reading for a short excerpt of how I utilized my tiny house environment to force a reluctant couple together. 

“Just because I would sell my soul to have you keep doing that doesn’t mean I don’t want an answer.” But like he told her, he was enjoying the cool down too much to turn around so he left her to try and figure out what he was talking about as he rolled his head side to side. The water dripped and mingled against his collar with the smattering of perspiration.

Felicity licked her lips at the thought of drinking the cool water from him as his blood pumped hard beneath the skin on his neck.

“Oh.” She pulled the bottle back, suddenly very aware that her hands where resting on strong shoulders. She sucked in a breath as her gaze traveled down a trim waist just above angular hips that looked great in dark navy fabric.

“Oh?”

While she was still breathless at her discovery of his physical beauty he turned and the water bottle bounced against his shoulder. Felicity’s hands bopped the bottle up in the air a few times and she struggled to try and catch it. Brandon Halston tried for the grab too.
Their hands smacked against each other, and the bottle fell to the ground. Luckily, it didn’t pop, because Felicity was pretty darn sure she needed water in order to block herself from speaking and sounding like a goober.

They both bent down at the same time and Felicity realized she wasn’t the only one with a hard head.

“Ow.” Brandon grabbed her arms and backed her up to a bench under the tree they were stealing shade from.

Felicity plopped down as he rubbed his head and retrieved the bottle.

“Do they have more of these?” he asked as he brushed the mulch off.

“They probably do, but the assistant went back inside.” Felicity reached for the bottle, but frowned as the banker who was becoming a pain in her ass as well as her skull opened the lid and swallowed half the bottle before handing it over.

He shrugged at her expression. “If we are going to be living close together, sharing is going to be important, right?”

Felicity grabbed the bottle and pulled it against her chest. “You can’t be serious.”

Brandon pointed to the flurry of activity around a laptop on the back of the news van. “Their website has been exploding ever since your human interest piece aired. Guess what? They all think us battling it out in shacks is a great freaking idea.”

“Tiny houses.”

“So, I suggest you start building, because it looks like this is going to happen.”

Deborah rushed over to the shade tree and began pulling on her blazer. “We need another spot. This is huge. And I’ve got the whole story. Do you have any idea how much coverage you are both going to get with this?”

“I doubt any of this would be beneficial to the bank. Watching their manager live with a hippie can’t be good for their confidence in my managing their money.”

Deborah raised her hand as if she was thinking of smacking Brandon. She cracked her knuckles instead.

“They want the people they place their money with to seem human, not above them in social status. For fuck’s sake, how do you know so little about the human race?”

Felicity smiled as Brandon frowned.

Deborah poured water on her hands. With a flick of her wrist, she smoothed her hair. “Besides, just having your bank’s name on this, possibly as a sponsor,” she hinted, none too subtly, “would increase brand recognition. And living with this cutie in a tight space would be a hell of a reality show, if either of you wanted to go that route.”

Felicity lost her smile. “He doesn’t have to live with me. I think it would be better for him to get the sense of freedom if he went into his own building. Then I could showcase some of the new designs I’m working on. I’ve got this great idea for a bump-out dormer that hangs over the hitch—“

Deborah waved her off. “Do you have anything other than your own home built now?”

“Well, no…but…”

“Then it’s a moot point. This is a hot idea now. Not months from now when you build a new structure. Do you want this to get attention?”

Felicity nodded.

Deborah turned to Brandon. “Do you want your bank to benefit from the exposure, brand recognition, and new way of marketing to your customers?”

Brandon frowned as he nodded.

Deborah put away her compact and buttoned her blazer before she slapped him on the shoulder. “Then pack a bag, sport. You’re moving in.”

What about you? Do you love a forced proximity trope? Or are you enthralled by tiny houses like me? Even if you'd never be able to live in one full time?

Tell me all about it. I'd love to get some ideas for the next book in this series.

~Roxy

Since I've been bitching and moaning about it for days now, you all know that hubby's work has required me to be flexible with my sleep schedule. My body is not enjoying this experience.

So I thought instead of whining about it some more, I'd give you some of my wake the fuck up hacks.

Top 5 ways to wake the fuck up...

1. Brush my teeth...again.

For some reason the act of brushing my teeth wakes me up, or at least gives me more pause before wanting to crawl back under the covers. And when I'm sleepy, I tend to talk less, and I get that funky "nap mouth" feeling. So I brush my teeth at least three times during the day when I'm tired. 

2. Music instead of audio books.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some audio books, but when I'm super tired, I'm going to miss a lot of the story. Not to mention that voice actors for audio books tend to have exceptionally smooth and soothing voices. I don't need any of that when I'm tired. Hit me up with some pop punk and a little hair band when I'm tired. The audio books have to wait.

3. Cold food instead of hot.

This includes coffee. If I am beat, even a hot cup of coffee is super soothing. So I try to eat and drink things that are cooler. It might just be me, but warm food makes me think of cozying up by a fire wrapped in a blanket with a comfy pair of slippers on...and I just yawned typing that out. I add ice to every beverage on super sleepy days.

4. Extra water.

I have been trying to drink more water anyway in my daily life, but it's especially important when I'm tired. I also tend to try and flush every cell in my body with caffeine after a forced sleep deprived night. Drinking extra water stops me from guzzling three large coffees every hour. If I'm feeling extra fancy, and with it enough to use a knife, I add in some slices of lemon to said water. Someone somewhere told me lemon water helps wake you up. I couldn't tell you if it's placebo or not, but it works for me.

5. Avoid cuddling with pets.

Our furbabies are adorable, but I swear, a purring cat on your lap is akin to chasing a sleeping pill with a glass of wine. I try to stay in chairs where my legs are at undesirable cat levels. My cat has been following me around all day and meowing because he's mad I'm not chilling out in his fav spots. The caterwauling also helps keep me awake.


Those are the top 5 things I use to keep going. Honorable mentions go to chewing minty gum, and showering. What do you do when you're tired, but don't have the ability to sleep in? I'd love to mix up my techniques. 

~Roxy