This blog is going to be very short and not at all sweet.

I would say I'm mad, but mostly I'm just tired. I temper the things I say for the most part to keep my content light. I like to think I'm hilarious too, but ya' know...could just be me laughing at my own jokes. Everyone has different tastes.

But there is something that needs to be said. 

Don't Shit on Someone Else's Joy.

Just don't. If someone comes up to you and has a glint in their eyes about a book or a movie, or an activity. Don't make an ewe face. Don't ask them why they would ever enjoy such a thing. 

We're all guilty of this from time to time, and it's important to take a step back and take stock. I know friends of mine have talked about camping, and for the life of me, I can't imagine why I would pretend to be homeless voluntarily. It's just not my bag, and the way bugs like to bite me, I'm pretty sure even with the strongest bug spray I'd come back anemic.

But I try and say things like "It sounds like you had fun." Because I'm also careful not to get invited to things that are really not for me. I have learned a lot about myself and I know I need temperature controls and indoor plumbing. But I do enjoy a crackling fire and hanging with people I adore without tech taking up the day.

So I get it from that point and that's what I try to do in every situation like this. I pull a perspective where I can relate. It's really hard sometimes, but it's possible.

Yesterday I went to a fabulous event put on by a local mystery writers' group. The speaker was fantastic, and although her methods and genre were different than mine, I took a lot away from the event. Then an incident happened where I was made to feel ridiculed and looked down upon because I write romance. 

I'm not going into details, because I was a guest, and for the most part, other than feeling a bit out of place, I had a great time. I don't want to talk bad about the group or the event because it was well done and free. So I don't feel like I have a whole lot of room to complain. 

But when someone insinuates that my genre is trivial when theirs is not, just makes me so damn grumpy. Because in the end, all genre fiction has the same basic structure. We all have specific items that need to be followed to fit into the genre. We all have specific things that need to happen. Like in romance, it's an HEA. In a mystery, we need to solve the puzzle. In a thriller, the bad guy or thing has to be stopped. If you don't do those things, your readers are going to be pissed. So why is it that my genre is trivial, while yours isn't?

Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's bad. Just because you don't find joy in certain books, doesn't mean they're pointless. (Especially when they hold the lion's share of book buying dollars, but we won't go there.)

If you love Fifty Shades of Grey, if you love Twilight, if you love Erotica, if you love Inspirationals, or if you love Manga...embrace it. And fuck anyone who says you can't find joy in something. 

If someone finds a book or movie troubling because they believe certain themes were sending a horrible message (The article about 16 Candles comes to mind here), you might want to acknowledge it. But much of our cinematic and literary history is problematic. It's a decision you have to make for yourself. 

But if someone is coming at you because they don't think your form of entertainment is worthy for the sole reason that they don't like it...show them your favorite finger and flounce.

Like I said. This is something I know I've been guilty of in the past, and I work hard now to avoid doing it. So I wanted to share as a reminder to the collective or anyone who stumbles across my blog...

Don't Shit on Someone Else's Joy


~Roxy

Hi. My Name is Roxy, and I'm addicted to the Me And My Big Ideas(MAMBI) Happy Planner line. 

I came late to the planner game. Mainly because some of this shit is expensive as hell. But after getting tempted by bullet journalling, my 80's sticker loving self began to stock up on bits and bobs to add to my journal.

Bullet journalling worked until I hit the end of the book and all my carefully crafted notes were now in different volumes. Sooo...I had to either re-write them or carry multiple planners. 

My journey took me to a few different planner types, but I finally landed in the world of Happy Planner, and fell into the YouTube rabbit hole. Seriously. There are tons of MAMBI planner babes who do flip throughs, plan with me's, and ways to use extra supplies or "frankenplan". One of my favorite planner babes is "AtHomeWithQuita". A video of hers is right below here. She's far more organized than me, but I love her voice and she does thorough flip throughs and uses lots of the MAMBI line.

But Quita's got a bigger budget than your girl, here. So I tend to shop sales, use coupons, and hit up the clearance bins. Doing all of that means I don't always have the latest and greatest, but sometimes I splurge. 

When I saw the new Happy Planner mini lines this year, I was so damn excited because the previous years' minis were horizontal, and that's just not my jam.

THIS year, we have vertical planning in the minis, along with a planner theme that makes me smile. 

First, I ended up grabbing a deluxe cover, because my Joann's had them on ultra clearance. I picked up this hot pink "Hustle" cover for less than $7 after tax. I hug it occasionally. Don't judge me. 

I had a mini notebook that I carried around with daily planning sheets for busy days, but I wanted a full monthly planner with me so I could have my future plans with me on the go. If I wanted to make plans with friends or check into my availability to do an event six months from now, I didn't have an easy way to do that.

I had been using a ring binder, but after using the disc systems for my book bibles and my everyday planner, I was ready to make the switch. 

Then I saw a flip through of a mini with vertical lined planning pages, AND it was covered in girl power inspirational quotes. I stalked my local Joann's daily and snatched that puppy up as soon as it came out.  The fact that it perfectly matched my cover with pink discs...well, it was meant to be.

The cover, and each of the monthly tabs all have inspiring quotes. The decoration is just enough that I don't feel the need to cover it with stickers. And the aesthetic is completely me. Well...for now, anyway.

It's something I can jot notes in and keep details and lists when I'm out of the house. And who doesn't need a planner that gives them all kinds of happy feels?

Just to pull a couple quotes from this little gem...

"Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up." ~Brene Brown

"I love the person I've become, because I fought to become her." 
~ Kaci Diane

There are a ton more, and all of them are next to a handy dandy little spot to put a monthly goal. 

I like the idea of pausing to take stock every month and getting myself prepped to kick ass. 

Unfortunately this little gem doesn't start until January, but because I've become addicted to this line, I have some spare undated inserts, and traded out the last quarter of next year for enough pages to get me through the last quarter of this year.

I get to start using the weekly spreads in just a few days, and I'm stoked.

Yeah, I know. I should be writing. But hey, at least I have the perfect set up to get myself organized now. 

(said every procrastinating perfectionist ever...)

What do you use for your planning system? Do you use paper planners? Are you team vertical or team horizontal? Spiral bound, disc bound, or perfect bound? Or are you straight up digital?

I'd love to hear about it. And if you have any favorite planner channels, make sure to send them my way. I need a good binge.

​~Roxy

I didn't sleep much last night, so if my puns aren't on top of their game, you'll have to forgive me. 

Everything that needed to get done for my house to function happened, yesterday, and that's all I could ask of myself. So know that if you're in need of something completely distracting too, I have a few tricks I use. 

But first, this tweet yesterday spoke to me. So before I share some of my escape comforts, read this...

Now that you've dropped your shoulders, like I literally just did as I read this again, let's find something to do.

My TOP 5 Emotional Escape Distractions

1. Re-read favorite books.
When I need a break from reality, but life has me a little raw, I grab a book where I know the emotional drama level. I always pick a lighter book. Shelly Laurenston's Magnus Pack series is one of my favorites. But I also ventured back into some Janet Evanovich because I know her books. Although I'm not a fan of the later parts of the series, her stories almost comic strip level light. And since Evanovich's Plum series was my gateway into erotic romance, she holds a special place in my heart and gives me warm fuzzies.

2. Take stupid Buzzfeed Quizzes. 
​And I'm talking the really dumb ones. Like...right now there is a quiz to find out what kind of juice you are. Answering basic bland questions will give you something to do and occupy your mind. I got grapefruit juice by the way...

3. Go for a walk with your phone.
When I'm in survival mode, I sign out of apps that are problematic (Twitter, FB, etc) and play Pokemon Go. Although right now my phone GPS is fucked up so that can be a bit rage-inducing, but anger at a fictional game is better than falling down the spiral of negativity of thoughts you might be dealing with otherwise. And my phone is in an otterbox case. So I can totally throw it when I get mad and nothing happens. Walking and breathing in some fresh air can help if you're physically able as well.

4. Make a complicated meal or treat
It's no shock to anyone who knows me that I hate cooking. So most every food attempt is complicated for me. But grabbing food from the store that requires more preparation, sometimes helps distract me. Even going through coupons and sales and working on the actual grocery trip can keep me off the internet for a few hours.

5. Take a long shower
When it's been a really bad day, many folks don't feel like doing basic grooming at all. Comfy pants and a messy bun or a cap are all we think we're capable of doing. But there is something cathartic about taking a shower and symbolically washing the crap from the day away. It's what I'm heading to do right after I post this blog. I'm even going to use my fancy soap. You know...the really pretty one that's wrapped up in the closet that I don't want to "waste"? Yeah. That one. I'm going to use it today.


Basically...take care of yourselves, everyone. If you're looking for something light to read of mine, my contemporaries are pretty mild on the drama. (Love Shack, When the Lights Go Out, and Bottled Up)

Big hugs for everyone who needs them today. I'm off to shower and get some writing done. I've got a whole new world to create...right after Buzzfeed tells me which potatoes are my boyfriend.

~Roxy

​

There are weeks when I'm struggling through and need something to distract me. I have to fight hubby for the game consoles downstairs, and although I love snuggling up with a good book, lately a lot of my favorite authors have been wringing far too much damn emotional turmoil out of their storylines and I can't deal.

It's times like those I turn to YouTube for some laughs. If you need something light, I present you with a small collection of videos to make you smile. 

First, a video of Colbert rapping, and Nicki Minaj being excited about it. I've watched this a few times.

What is it about people eating hot food that makes me watch? I dunno, but I love it. I've been keeping up with the show "Hot Ones" for a while, but asking Kevin Hart if he eats ass is probably my favorite sound bite ever.

Garrett Watts is one of those human beings that makes me smile. He's not a very regular poster, so he's one of the few people I have notifications turned on for, because I don't want to miss when he uploads. And Garrett going through pictures on a really old phone is just a grand time.

Do you have any videos you rewatch when you need a smile? Drop me some links in the comments or tweet them to me @RoxyMews on Twitter. I'd love to watch them.

​~Roxy

While I was waxing poetic about my critique partner yesterday, I mentioned that we learned a new technology to connect with for our sprints. 

After watching my friendly neighborhood teen connect through Discord, I was intrigued by the app for use with writing partners. It could do video, audio, and text chat on both a computer, and a phone app. And the ability to separate convos by chat room made it very appealing to me. 

Skype may do all of these things too, I'm honestly not sure, but I've had so damn many skype calls dropped that I wanted to check into something else. While I and my critique partner stumbled around on the site until we figured out how to make it work for us, here is a video that walks you through the basics quickly.

Now that I've been using the platform for a couple weeks, I can tell you there are a few things I love about it.

1. Ease of connecting and disconnecting voice chat.

During our writing sprints, my CP and I can pop on and off with a mouse click. We report in on what we did. Decide on a time to start the next sprint and click back off. There's no weird dialing or waiting for someone to answer to connect. We pop on when we're done and we can see if the other person is there with us.

2. Integrated chat and voice. 

We can send each other links, pictures, and although we haven't used the feature yet, we can share our screens. All of this we can do with the audio live. We did video too, but honestly, we're writing at the end of the day, and no one wants to see me sans makeup glaring down at the computer.

3. The ability to shut off social media. 

​I already turned off most notification pushes to help me with my productivity. And this extra step allows me to completely shut down my browser and focus on the task at hand. No more little red numbers telling me there's been activity on my Twitter or Facebook to pull me away from what I'm doing.


I'm not going to jinx what's been an awesome run so far, so I'm saying this knocking on wood, but this has made voice chat as easy as texting for me, and I'm excited about all the different ways I can use this platform in the future. 

Usually I have a Facebook group to do my cheerleading on during NaNoWriMo, but I'm thinking this year, we might also have a Discord server. In fact...I'm gonna go ahead and start one just to see if anyone wants to pop on there. So if you want to give it a try and connect with me come November use this Invite

https://discord.gg/ftZE94x​

I'm super excited about using this platform for connecting with writers and readers. If you're on Discord, do you use it just for gaming? Or are you using it for something else as well? Are there any servers you spend all your time on? Tell me how you use the app.

I'd love to hear all about it.

~Roxy

I'm working on "AFFL20" and "Shadow Shop Story" right now, but I also have "DMA #3" and "HCH #4" on my computer. If it's something new I'm working on or a new world, you might also see "Blind Date PNR" or "Contemp Friends to Lovers". Basically I put my titles to work so I don't have to think too hard on it. 

Once I get a few rounds of writing or edits in, I'll put the book in it's own folder and give that bad boy a name. I'm stingy. I don't want to take up brain space remembering a title if I'm not dealing with it for a while.

​2. Consider Series and Individual Themes.
When I sold my first trilogy to Samhain, we came up with all three titles right away. We wanted to have a cohesive feeling and make sure all the titles worked together. If I'm starting a series, or writing a one off, this is only pertinent if the story has series potential. 

3. Come Up With Lots of Options.
The more titles I have to pick through and consider the better. I'll ask my buddies in my various brain trust circles, and see what they think. Usually the list morphs and changes through brainstorming sessions, and I lock it down to a favorited title.

4. Search For the Title on Amazon.
There are tons of other bookselling sites, but because the market on KU is so large, I prefer to search on Amazon to see if the title is already being widely used. Just because a title is already on another author's book doesn't mean it's off limits. No matter what some people think. (*cough*Cockygate*cough*) But if the book's title is on a best selling Inspirational Romance and I'm writing hard core erotica, I might not have the right market with my title. I adjust from there.

5. Consider How the Title Looks on Coverart.
I'm not saying some talented artists couldn't make damn near anything work, but a title should be short enough to read in a large font without obscuring the entire cover image. Also, I need room for my name. I prefer my name to be fairly large and at the bottom of the book cover. I want to make sure my title goes well with my name.


If a title doesn't pass inspection against any of those five checks, I'm headed back to brainstorming. As I'm gearing up for another round of querying, I have to get my title game back in play. I doubt "Boss With A Banging Booty" will make anyone request a full manuscript. 

What are some things you double and triple check before you finalize a title? Or if you're a reader, tell me titles that made you pick up a book without even reading the blurb. And then tell me one you passed on without a second thought because you couldn't get past what the author named their project. Bonus points for pictures. 


~Roxy​

I've spent the last week binge listening to the Unf*ck Your Brain Podcast. And I have been shocked by how different Kara's take on self-improvement is from the rest of the world. Most of the self-help tomes I've devoured, even the ones I've loved, are all about working with "The Universe" to put out the proper energy and attract the good things you want into your life.

Well that's all well and good, and having the positive attitude goes a long way. But Kara's approach is all about making changes in yourself. And while listening to this particular episode, I literally pulled my car off the road and sat there saying "Wow" to myself like a female Owen Wilson meme.

This particular episode is about asking yourself better questions. Instead of "Why can't I do anything right?" you should be asking yourself, "What would my next step be if I knew I'd succeed?"

Seriously. Just typing that last question again made my head explode in the best way possible.

There is a reason people are successful in this world. And while some luck and right-place-right-time is helpful, the truly successful people seem to find that same luck over and over again. So maybe it's not luck...

I've still been thinking about the question, "What would my next step be if I knew I'd succeed?" It falls right in line with where I was stumbling toward on my own. But puts me directly in the let's-get-started mode.

If you've never listened to this podcast, I highly recommend it. The first few episodes are directed toward lawyers, but she's rebranded to help everyone. This is a feminist bent. I happen to be a woman, and I get a lot out of that fact. If you're a dude, you'll have to tell me  how you feel about her episodes, but I'd still tell you to give them a try.

Start with this one.

~Roxy

​The freedom I finally gave myself to fuck up was the most liberating feeling. This book isn't for anyone else but me. It's my space, and the fact that I'm not trying to curate it for others in the future, or the fact that I'm not trying to make it pretty or even legible one hundred percent of the time, lets me be completely honest.

I've worked in retail for over twenty years. I'm the queen of spin. Honesty doesn't come into play, because I have to make it seem reasonable and favorable to everyone involved. In my morning pages, I found a place where I could put aside that need to work for other people, and it wasn't always perfect, but there were some things that came out of my journal that were highlighter worthy. Many of the blogs I've written on a near daily basis came from something inside the pages of that little white and gold notebook.

I'm proud of myself for sticking to something this long. And there have been a few days I skipped. I'm not perfect. But I noticed such a difference in my attitude and focus that it was baffling to me.

Hello. I'm Roxy. And I'm one of those women who is part of the "obese" statistic that the entire world is currently obsessed with because of Tess Holiday's recent Cosmo cover. If you haven't seen that, I'd show it to you, but obviously I don't have the rights to that picture, and I don't want Cosmo coming for me. So...google it. 

But I will share a youtube video where Tess is addressing the controversy that came out because of it.

I hate to tell people who might be confused about this...but Cosmopolitan is a business. There is a large portion of the population in the US that is plus sized. (Meaning any size over 14 in women's). I'm not sure on the UK's percentages, but I'd gather they have a large portion that is heavier set. 

Cosmo would like to sell magazines. Showing a woman who might, just maybe, look more like the people buying it...IS A BUSINESS MOVE. They aren't making a statement. They aren't joining the body positivity movement. They are trying to make money. And I'd wager, they made a FORTUNE with this cover. Because people are buying it to have a piece of history too.

And what Tess says at the very end of the video I posted, is important. Fat people are not making a statement by doing their jobs. They aren't being "brave" for wearing cute clothes. They are existing. Just because you might not look like them, doesn't mean they should hide in their houses and only eat kale salads and drink lemon water while out in public. 

I've started going through menopause. I've had a major surgery. And my body has changed drastically in the last ten years. I'm ninety pounds heavier than I was when I married my husband. So realize what you're telling me, and many women like me as we're working to navigate changes in hormones, changes in metabolism, and new ways our body won't cooperate with us. When you say Tess shouldn't do her job and exist in the environment she does, you're saying that people like me shouldn't exist in this world either. People like me should hide and cover up and just go away. 

Well...screw that. Clothes actually fit me better now than when I was "thin" because I wasn't as evenly proportioned as I am now. These german thighs will not be contained by jeans. I busted out of my pants just as much in a size 8 as I do in a size 20.

I grew up in a small town where I was always one of the biggest girls. I vividly remember in second grade we had to fill out our health books with our height and weight. The teacher sorted us by our answers. I was the heaviest. And she looked at me with pity. I think that was the very moment I realized I was supposed to feel shame because of the way I looked.

I'm not in second grade anymore. And the older I get, the more I realize I only get one chance to enjoy life. So putting it off until I fit into someone else's teeny tiny box of perfection, is stupid.

I have a lush ass, and killer cleavage now. I have clearer skin than I had when I was thin. And my hair is awesome. I'm sexy. Just as I am. I'm attractive, I'm married to the love of my life, and I'm not hiding because going out into the real world "makes a statement." Fuck that.

So if you're offended by a business making a move to increase their bottom line, you should move to a commune where everyone lives off grid. Every business is in the business of making money. Tess Holiday isn't making a statement. She's living her life, like many of us.

The way the world feels it's perfectly fine to comment on a woman's body is a whole other ball of wax, but I wanted to put it out there. That I'm fat too. I'm overweight, plump, squishy, jiggly, whatever you want to call it. That's me. So if it's you too, don't let this bullshit media coverage discourage you. It's perfectly legal to be happy while fat. You won't be breaking laws by finding joy. I've learned as I get older that I give far fewer fucks than I did in my twenties. I wish I'd gotten here sooner. But I'm definitely not going to let my light dim just to make the people around me feel more comfortable. That's not my problem. 

I've been in the habit of challenging you guys to do something on a damn near daily basis lately. So no matter your body type, I'd love to say you should try something you wouldn't normally do. Are you thin and never wear skinny jeans because people tell you to eat a burger? Are you fat like me, and never eat dessert in public? Do you have a large birthmark on your face that you usually hide with huge sunglasses? Do something that you want to do despite what everyone else thinks is okay. Then plug in your earbuds and bop down the street with a mental middle finger raised, knowing you look and feel like the fabulous person you are.

And anyone who thinks it's okay to make a nasty comment or death glare and whisper behind their hand...man...does that person ever have a sad life. Feel bad for them, that they have so little to be happy about in their own day that they are worried about you. 

Go forth and be fabulous. I'm heading out on a day date with my hubby today. We're planning for the week ahead over coffee and bagels. Maybe I'll treat myself to a chocolate scone while I'm there. Just because.

​~Roxy