Roxy's Musings - ROXY MEWS

I was going to go on a rant...

10/27/2020

I had a whole blog post on here that was ranting about how a Facebook argument erupted on my personal page over the sign pictured here.

This is a sign posted outside my local fabulous pizzeria that reads...

"Please do NOT enter if you have any symptoms of:

~COVID-19 (Or any other sickness really)
~RACISM (This establishment is owned and operated by POC)
~SEXISM (And Women :) )
~HOMOPHOBIA (We don't care who you love <3)

PS. Leave your political views at the door"

I was so happy to see a local space let people know they are welcome, and anyone harassing them will be removed. Slurs around these topics are far too common in the area I live in.

So of course a relative crawled out of the woodwork to tell me exactly how I was wrong to be happy about this when I posted it on Facebook.

I had a whole blog written about the argument, and how it made me sad, and the internet ate every word. The post was sitting on my drafts page, but I hadn't hit save. So when I reopened my blog, I was left with this picture, and no title.

I haven't logged onto any Facebook group in 24 hours, and getting a glimpse at the sign, knowing the people who run this place, and seeing it without the influence of a pointless argument made me smile.

If you are drowning in people telling you why you shouldn't be happy in a time where happiness is hard to find, mute the bastards. This sign made me smile, and the pizza we bought to support the business was DELICIOUS. Garlic knots are the best.

This sign, and homemade garlic butter made me happy yesterday. What are you finding joy in today? I'd love to hear about it. I needed an internet glitch to remind me to hold onto my happy. I hope you find the space to have a happy moment too.

~Roxy

#Preptober During a Pandemic: Day 5

10/22/2020

To wrap up the most basic of all #Preptober "To Do" lists ever, we are going to talk about rewarding ourselves.

Where do you buy your retail therapy? What do you buy when you need a pick me up? Is it candy from your local store? Is it ebooks? Or is it some fancy coffee from Amazon?

Today is the day we are going to make a rewards list for ourselves.

In the past I would have said buy yourself goodies and wrap them, or set them to be delivered when you are supposed to be at a specific spot in your word count. But this is 2020, so fuck that pressure.

If you can get all of the items you drool over (and can afford) from Amazon, add them all into your cart, or put them on a digital wishlist.

Are you going to write 20k in November? Pick some goodies to get yourself for every 5k you write.

Are you going to go to the store and buy yourself a candy bar as a reward? Copy the image of the one you want, and make a list of what you will get for each word count milestone. Hell, print it out and put it above your desk where you can see it, and check it off when you achieve it.

I know lots of authors will send each other wrapped gifts to open as they hit milestones. But we are our own people (with more limited budgets) and we can decide our own goodies.

Fuck...this has been a hell of a year. Have you made it through these five days? Did you make a list of goodies? I think you deserve to buy yourself something for taking these first baby steps back into creativity.

So tell me...did you do my #Preptober During a Pandemic list? What did you buy yourself or do for yourself as a reward? I'd love to hear about it. And good luck to all of us in November. We are going to need it for many reasons. Until then, may your wine glass be full, and your word count be plentiful.

~Roxy

#Preptober During a Pandemic: Day 4

10/21/2020

Today is about signing up to be social. Kind of.

I'm talking about logging in and setting up your profile on the NaNoWriMo site. Then...invite at least one person to be buddies.

This is mine if you want to be my buddy. I'm RoxyMews on there if you just want to search for me. I'll have an Alphasmart covering my face.

The NaNoWriMo website had some serious upgrading since I last logged on there, and it's still taking me some time to navigate everything. So I am working on getting reacquainted with the platform today.

NaNoWriMo as a community and as a tracker, helped me finish my very first novel ever. I loved the spirit of the event, and the fact that everyone could use it. A brand new writer, a seasoned author, or even a money earning author who fell off the face of the earth and just desperately needs to get creative again before she starts drawing on the walls. (I'll let you guess which camp I fall in.)

Assignment for today is to buddy up. The best part about finding buddies on this site, is there is no forced interaction if you don't want it. You can totally creep on an author you enjoy, or some random participant you find on Twitter or Instagram. If you want to work on the 50k goal, and know of a writer or two who are workhorses, buddy up with them on the NaNo site. You will be able to sneak peeks at their word counts, and it might be just the push you need to write 500 more words that day.

But before you go snoop on their pages, check in with yourself. Will seeing others make you feel inspired? Or will it make you feel like a piece of shit, because you could only write 200 words today? If seeing other people crank out the words will make you feel like failing, don't look. And don't buddy up with them. You can always scope out the #NaNoWriMo hashtags on Twitter and Instagram when you want to see folks bragging on their words.

Frankly, I don't know if I will be able to hit 50k or if I will fail after November 2nd and get discouraged. I'm hoping to start writing again, and forge a new picture of what that looks like for me. I'm going to try something new. (Maybe a few somethings new)

But realize that among the masses of NaNoWriMo participants, you will likely find a kindred spirit. So reach out, and even if you just lurk, join a few forums or groups on whatever platform you mindlessly scroll through on the regular.

What hashtags did you follow? What groups did you join? I'd love to hear about it and get a few more on my own list before November 1st.

~Roxy

#Preptober During a pandemic: Day 3

10/20/2020

Any words written to tell a story in November count for NaNoWriMo. If you are still narrowing down your options from your brainstorm session yesterday (like I am), then today is going to be about preparing for something that might just happen mid-November. You might change your mind.

But because I am going to be the very definition of a rebel, I am preparing a spot for the fallout that might happen when I get antsy with the words I will be writing.

I am setting up what I call my "Tally" document today. And I suggest everyone who is unsure of what NaNoWriMo means for them this year do the same.

Make a folder on your desktop for your 2020 NaNoWriMo shit. And create a word document with a placeholder line.

EPIC POINTLESS NARRATIVE

...is what I'm putting on mine. Then save your document as "NaNo 2020 Tally". (Or whatever you feel like titling it)

This document is where you will copy all of your NaNo words and paste them. This will give you a document to use to validate at the end of November to get your purple bar if you happen to hit 50k.

I have taken to doing this when I have been finishing projects. I will simply write [NaNo Start] in bold in a WIP and copy/paste whatever I write that day to my tally document.

Today's prep work is super simple. Today we are giving ourselves permission to go where the words take us, and remember that it's perfectly okay to change our minds.

I have my little notebooks. I have my brainstorm ramblings. And now I have a place to put words when they happen. Basically I am nesting for a book I will eventually birth from my fingers.

Today is easy. Give your project or projects a place to land. Then remember to have them backed up. You could save them in the cloud, or do what I'm going to do and write them in my Word 365 which auto-saves for me.

Do you have a brand new visible folder on your desktop? What did you you name your tally document? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

#Preptober during a pandemic: Day 2

10/19/2020

Today is all about putting ideas down.

I never said they had to be good ideas. They just have to exist. The first book I ever sold was one that I began with the idea that no one would believe me when I told them I knew immediately that my husband was the man for me, so I made the characters vampires and werewolves to have the story work.

Write down what ideas you'd love to express. Write down something funny your friend said two years ago. Write down what your mail man wore when it was too hot to breathe this summer.

When I say write it down, I don't necessarily mean pen and paper. You can type it out on a laptop, slap some keys on an Alphasmart, make voice memos on your phone, use a digital notebook on an iPad. However you put ideas down, do it.

Just make sure you pick a single style, or transfer all ideas to a single spot. If you have cloud storage you can access from different devices, this could be a great time to take advantage of that feature.

My biggest struggle this year is one I never in a million words thought I'd have to grapple with.

GENRE.

I have been a romance reader since I picked up my first romantic triangle YA book in middle school. I have adored romance as an adult, and couldn't fathom writing anything else when I was in the thick of it.

But now we are in the middle of a pandemic, and many of the tropes we would play in seem incredibly foreign. And how am I supposed to think about a happily ever after right now? The idea of our old "normal" seems far away. Writing is different for me at this point in my life. Frankly, watching my books evaporate from the web when Samhain Publishing shut down, changed me.

I have a few WIPs I had pitched before the pandemic hit that got some interest. I have a few books plotted, or planned out before life got in the way. I may pick one of those up, or I may scrap it all and just put words to paper that inspire me.

Today, I am simply writing down ideas. I am brainstorming things that interest me. I am going to put a few of them on post-it notes and stick them on the slat wall above my desk. I'm going to sit with them there until November and see which one stalks me into my dreams.

I have a shit ton of extra note books lying around too, so I grabbed three of my dollar store mini books. Whichever ideas make it to my top three will get notes in these. Might as well make use of the stationary I have lying around, and these bad boys will fit into my everyday planner pockets.

This is my goal for today. I will sit down and vomit ideas into a digital notebook on my iPad. I'm going to narrow my options down to three and shove bright yellow post-its into my line of site so I am forced to think about my top three favorites. Then I will carry these mini notebooks around to get ideas up until November, or until I make up my mind about a story, whichever comes first.

Do you have any ideas about what you want to write about? Have you been struggling with the idea of a HEA in our new world, like me?

Or are you just going to say fuck this whole plan business, and start on November 1st with whatever pops into your head?

I'd love to hear about it. Let me know what you're doing to brainstorm.

~Roxy

#Preptober During a Pandemic: Day 1

10/18/2020

Welcome to Roxy's Pandemic Preptober!

Today is embracing the idea of being a NaNo rebel. National Novel Writing Month is set up as a goal of writing a complete 50,000 word novel in the month of November.

I'm not doing that. And guess what? You don't have to either. There have always been "rebel" writers in NaNoWriMo. These people use the community to tap into the supportive vibe, but they don't follow the rules to get their win.

My goal for today is to decide what a reasonable number of words to write in November. Would I love to write 50k? Sure. Is it realistic for me right now?

Fuuuuuuuuck NO.

Today I'm downloading the graphic calendar provided on the NaNoWriMo Website. (Go HERE to get yours) I'm going to be marking this stuff up on my iPad Goodnotes app, but you could use your own calendar, print out the image from NaNo, or just scribble on a piece of paper.

My steps for doing this are simple.

1. Mark out all days where I won't be writing.
NaNo suggests a daily writing habit, but this isn't realistic for me this year. While I don't have ANYTHING to do that is definite at this point (Thanks, Covid-19), I do know that I need to work in some breaks for myself. So I'm going to plan in some breaks based on holidays, birthdays, and if I have nothing going on, I'm still going to mark out at least one day of the week for some time off.

2. Break out the calculator.
I'm going to sit down with my calculator and start cranking out the math. Once I have the basic number of days I'll be writing, I'm going to pick different milestone numbers (30k, 40k, 50k) and divide by the number of days I have. What I'll be trying to remember is that I'm rusty. A year or two ago, 2500 words per day was realistic. Now? I am thinking 1k-1500 is more my speed.

3. Post the goal in ink.
After I get my number I'm going to put it on my calendar. In ink. But I'm not going to put a number every day. What I'm going to mark this year is a weekly goal. I might put my daily goal on a post-it and pin it above where I'll be writing. I might not. It's 2020. Fuck it.

What are you going to set as your goal for November? Are you going to write during November? Or are you going to mainline wine and pray for the end of the year to come faster? I'd love to hear about your plans.

~Roxy

Preptober During a Pandemic

10/17/2020

I would love to say I am as excited as I was during years past about NaNoWriMo. I would love to hop on this blog and say I am getting things together and ready to kill the word count. In past years it might have been true.

But this is 2020.

This is the year I had to camp out at the grocery store at 5am and wait in line for an hour to stand a chance at getting toilet paper. This is the year I had to wait with bated breath to make sure when hubby's company laid off 30% of its employees that he wasn't one of them.

This is also the year I get yelled at on a daily basis by customers about masks. I get yelled at when I wear gloves, I get yelled at for signs on the door asking them to wear masks, and I get yelled at for what other adults are doing that I have no control over as a part-time retail worker.

When I think about putting words on the page, especially words involving love and an HEA...

I seriously can't even begin to get there. Right now romance involves someone treating me to an unlimited supply of sanitizer and spaghetti sauce.

But I miss writing. I miss the escape, and I miss the community. I'm going to attempt to write for NaNoWriMo, but I'm going to write for fun this year. Over the next 5 days, I'm going to put up a post a day with absolute back-to-basics style of Preptober work.

Are you exhausted by the clusterfuck of the world too? Play along with me. Are you still a functioning human? You're a better person than me. So come along with me and cheer me on.

See you tomorrow for the most basic #Preptober work on the planet.

~Roxy

The Lovers : Tarot Pull For the Day

10/15/2020

I'm working through a Tarot class with The Sisters Enchanted, and the Major Arcana cards are what I'm studying at the moment. While I have been pulling a card a day for a long time now, this is the first time I was confident about the meaning without even glancing at a guidebook.

And I wanted to share.

I have family visiting me this week, and when I asked what I needed to focus on, my Lovers card came flying out of the deck for me. Now...the lover's card is a very intimate card in the deck I'm working with. There is a man and woman in a lovers embrace surrounded by lush greenery.

But in working with this deck and doing the course work, I have been amazed at what I previously missed about this card. For me, this card means it is time to let all the "should do" and the "supposed to do" lists fall away and get lost in human connection.

The Lovers just had a very regimented structure they are coming out of and are at a point where they have to decide where to go next. But in this moment, they need to cherish each other and let the rest of the world fall away.

So I'm going to enjoy my coffee and prepare a delicious breakfast bake for my family. Because we're not going to worry about cooking today, we're going to have each other to enjoy.

If you have the opportunity to hang with your people, maybe take a moment and do what the Lovers would...let the people mean more than the lists today.

Hug your loved ones. And if you can't see them in person, maybe suck it up and turn on the video call. They don't care that you haven't showered.

~Roxy

Taking my own advice and eating frogs

10/14/2020

I was in a really bad spot for a really long time this year financially. I would break out in a cold sweat whenever it was time to pay the bills, because I knew there wasn't enough to cover it.

Covid-19 hit my family really hard. Both my husband and I were deemed essential workers. But there was a shortage on every bit of cleaner and PPE on the planet. I had to take to online ordering to buy good masks, and gloves and cleaner. Only the organic meat was in the stores, and there was a limit on it. Our expenses went through the roof when we were already struggling. Even with no one getting sick, the financial burden was huge.

I'm letting you in on this because I know I'm not the only one struggling.

We ended up doing a lot of sacrificing, and cashing in to get out of that spot. But like clockwork, when I start to see bills...I get scared. Because I know that feeling of panic that comes from wondering if we are going to need to pay for an unexpected expense.

I have been working a lot with my tarot cards, and my intuition. Today my cards told me to suck it up and get to work, and quit whining.

My deck is hella sarcastic.

I stopped my morning pages practice and opened up my laptop and dug in. I didn't give my over-analyzing brain a chance to panic, I just got started.

I feel a million pounds lighter knowing it's done.

I know I have talked about this phrase "Eat That Frog" before. It comes from one of the few self-help books that stuck with me after I read it. Mainly because the whole book can be knocked down to one idea.

Do the hard/scary shit first.

Literally. That's the main takeaway. You can still read the book. I don't remember anything beyond the main point, but you can grab the ebook on Amazon still.

If you read the book or not, it's still great advice. Today, my frog was my bills. I had been putting them off for almost two weeks, and today I just grabbed my fork and knife (in the form of my bill bullet journal and pen), and chowed down (by actually going through and paying my bills).

Sometimes it's good to remember the advice you've preached to others. Today I took my own advice and ate my frog. What frog do you need to chow down on today?

~Roxy

#5amclub

10/11/2020

I didn't used to be a morning person. I was one of those people who reveled in the 2am television zone out time. I even worked a third shift job. My co-workers and I would talk about the best infomercials to relax to after we got home and nothing else was on.

This was before DVR, kids. I'm old.

But then I became a mom. I somehow gave birth to a morning person. An early riser erupted from my loins and I got into the rhythm of being up before the sun. I also learned how to exist on no sleep, and cold dinners, but that's another story.

Now my kids are older and finally sleep in, so of course my dumbass went and adopted animals who are also early risers.

The lesson here is...I'm an idiot. Or at least, a glutton for punishment.

I have tried to make the best of the fact that I am up in the mornings if I want to be or not. I even, for a good portion of time, had myself convinced it was a choice. I fell down the Miracle Morning rabbit hole. (You can find my Miracle Morning Posts HERE.) I did get a LOT done. I was using my planner and checking off all the boxes. I discovered something about myself. If I don't get shit done before Noon, it doesn't happen.

The creatures both big and small, wake me up, or rely on me to wake them up for school. I will be up and at 'em before the sun no matter what. Because of that early morning, lunch time is when I crash. Anything that requires brain power or motivation needs to happen before lunch, or it's getting bumped to tomorrow.

I also learned something about myself during this extended quarantine. I was running on a combination of caffeine and guilt before. I had a severe complex about getting absolutely everything done, and even when I found myself adding to my To Do list in the middle of the day, I felt guilty when I didn't get absolutely everything checked off. Quarantine forced me to stop. Literally. I couldn't go anywhere to get anything done. And my entire day was spent scrubbing shit down and going in search of toilet paper.

Were there days before the great bleach shortage when I did get everything done on my list? Absolutely. But guess what...I still felt guilty, because there were things from yesterday's list, or last week's list, or last month's list, that I still hadn't done. No matter what I accomplished, it was never good enough.

I always set myself up to fail, and that was the only thing I accomplished like clockwork. Because when I put way too much on my list, I guaranteed I wouldn't get it all done.

I was exhausted, and I was sad. A lot.

This year I turned 40. If my family history has anything to say about it, I am most likely middle-aged. Half of my life is over. That fact hit me harder than I expected it to.

Sure I accomplished a lot that many people don't ever do. But I wasn't finding my happiness on a daily basis.

My word of the year this year was "Joy". And who knew in January what a fucking challenge finding joy would be in 2020. But at this point in my year, and in my life, I think I am finally taking steps towards finding "Joy" each day. I'm not getting everything done, and I am not always super productive, but I am working on the negative pressure I put on myself first.

I have been using my time awake before my family again. But I'm not using it to be a #bossbabe or #hustle, or any of the other hashtags that are emblazoned in glitter on some network marketing coffee mug. I'm using my morning time to reconnect with myself. I'm pulling tarot, I'm journaling, I'm blogging. (See?)

Taking time for myself that is actually for myself and not a business move is new territory for me. I lit a candle today and let my family sleep later than usual. We are all on a staycation and while they got the joy of sleeping in I had coffee and video games. I had tarot and stickers in my journal. I had an online class that I bought myself with my birthday money.

Happiness isn't about who has accomplished the most, and it's all about the journey. It has to be. Because I'll tell you what. I wanted nothing more in my life than to get a book published, but then I did it, and it became...Okay...what now? If I don't stop and enjoy moments in my everyday, I am missing the point.

I'm using my time in the #5amclub for me now. It's my time. Maybe it always was, but now my time is all about what brings me joy.

What are you doing for yourself on a daily basis? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy