Okay. Hear me out. I think cats are psychic. Or at the very least, empathic. 

I've noticed over the past few months that my stress level correlates with how much of an asshole my cat is.

If I'm stressed out, and grumpy, my cat claws at the furniture more. If I'm sad and depressed, my cat eats less. If I'm upbeat and happy, my cat can't be out of my sight and is kneading my legs with a loud boisterous purr motor. 

There are a whole lot of beliefs about felines throughout history. They were everything from unlucky minions of the devil, to revered gods or hosts to souls awaiting their trip to paradise. But I'm not talking about that. 

I'm talking about modern cat ways.

I know a lot of people who feel cats are attuned to things just outside our knowledge. They will stare at nothing for long stretches of time. They get agitated for no real reason.  And let's not talk about the "kill" button that exists right next to the "happy purr" one. I know I'm not the only one who has gotten a decent bunny kick to remind me to trim my cat's nails.

Cats are intensely expressive. I'd argue more than dogs, but man's best friend can work some puppy eyes. However, I'm talking about more than emoting. I find cat behaviors are influenced by what energy we put out there. 

Since I've been working every morning on my morning pages, I've got a damn good record of my mental state each day. And the funny thing is, I've started to see some very interesting correlation between my mood and my cat's behavior. 

A few days ago, I was stressed about a lot of things. I was running short on money and the bills were starting to pile. I had been running like crazy to attempt to get clean clothes in the closet and clean dishes in the cupboards. I was living on coffee and chasing a timer to get it all accomplished before I had to run and pick up hubby from work. I realized I hadn't seen the cat all day. I found him when I went to put away some towels. 

Some cats hide often, but this guy usually owns a room. Plopping down in the middle of a doorway, or the floor where multiple people have to step over him. I realized I was stressed and he reacted to my energy by holing up in a tight space where the scents of everyone in the family were. Interesting.

Another day I was writing about feeling really down. I felt a lot of failure piling up in my mind, and it was one of those days where I read a book out of necessity for escape. I needed a happily ever after in the worst way. While I was reading he climbed up on my lap. His paws stretched out so he was gripping the side of my leg. This guy tends to lay on my legs from ankle to hip when he's looking to sleep. This time he curled up sideways and melted into my lap. I've noticed a few times since then, when I've been sad, he's gripped my legs in what looks like a hug. Of course he uses claws to maintain his grip, but it's the thought that counts. 

I've been starting to mark down odd things he does in my journal, because this critter has become a barometer for me to check my emotional state. 

When I'm in the thick of my To Do list for the day, my mental state rarely crosses my mind. But when my cat leaps out from behind the couch and starts scaling the arm of it as if it's the only way out of a pit of lava, I pause. Nine times out of ten, I'm in the middle of a mental spiral of negativity and need to take a break. 

So I'm convinced. Cats can read our emotions. At least mine can. And better than I'm able to most days. 

What about your pets? Do you notice a difference in how they act around you during emotionally charged moments? I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

I wanted to try something a little different here. I've been listening to podcasts for a while, and although I might not be ready to pull the trigger on that just yet, I thought I'd test out an audio chat with you guys.

Let me know what you think!

In the short chat below I discuss expectations in Romance. Turns out I have some hard and fast rules regarding expectations, and when I read books labeled romance, they better have a few things involved in the Happily Ever After.

From focus on the romantic relationship to consent, I chat about what I expect when I pick up a book. (TW: I do discuss rape, but only on a surface level.)

Tell me what you look for in Romancelandia. Do you agree with me? Or do you think I'm dead wrong? I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

I am married. I have been married for sixteen years. It took me most of those sixteen years to convince my husband that I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. 

Yes. I said it. I'm not a fan of this holiday.

But you're a romance author!

Yes. I know.

How can you hate love?

Whoa. Nope. Back that train up. I love love. I adore romance. I despise someone trying to tell me that if I don't perform specific actions or buy specific things that my love somehow isn't good enough.

Love is about more than candy and flowers and a meal at a crowded restaurant where you have to repeat yourself because of the noise level.

For me, love is coming home to a clean kitchen and takeout after a long day of work. Love is a dirty text at an inappropriate moment that makes you laugh. Love is sneaking a smack on the ass while walking by in a crowded room, or a distracting blow job during a video game. Hubby has treated me with chocolates at the most random times, and it's the best. And every year he buys me a single white rose on our anniversary to commemorate out rose ceremony from our wedding vows.

Love doesn't need to be big and audacious. For me, love is comfortable and overwhelming at the same time. It's that feeling of needing someone to be with you, but not needing to entertain them. It's finding someone to celebrate success with, but still flourishing in tight times or uncomfortable living arrangements. Love makes it okay, because the person you're with makes everything better. Not because they fix everything, but because them being by your side means you're blessed with more than money could ever buy.

I'm a huge fan of creating our own holidays. Things that mean the world to us. Like the day we got married. And the cold day in January almost twenty years ago that hubby pulled a diamond ring from his pocket and proposed, because the idea of waiting until Valentine's Day was too much. Those times are worth celebrating.

Don't get me wrong...Valentine's Day isn't all bad. There tend to be some damn good sales going on. Especially the day after Valentine's Day. Who else is excited for "Half Off Chocolate Hearts" Day? ME!


~Roxy

Since I have stumbled into the world of Happy Planner, I've noticed something. These ladies know how to market to my generation. We grew up as a gen of collectors. From baseball cards, to pogs, to pokemon, to those plastic charm necklaces that got tangled in our hair, but we could have given a shit because, Did you see? The little bicycle actually peddles!

I remember being obsessed with blind bags, and garbage pail kids, and even beanie babies. It was all about finding the few rare gems that you knew weren't available to everyone. Consumerism meets treasure hunting in all these cases, and those chicks at the Happy Planner headquarters found a way to do the same thing, while making us justify spending the cash because it's for getting organized! We do need it this time.

My obsession with YouTube meshed perfectly with my new found planner obsession. I found channels like Heart Breathings and The Planner Sophisticate that gave me great ideas, and were just plain visually appealing. Then I started falling into the vast pit of "Haul Videos". It was all over. I could have people shop for me! It let me make better online ordering decisions, and I was all about knowing what I was buying ahead of time since the pictures of planners in online stores aren't very extensive.

But I noticed that a lot of these items were limited releases. I would drag my feet, and wait until I had time and go to the stores only to see they'd been picked over like a blizzard was coming and everyone needed bread. 

Then these hoes over at Happy Planner HQ released certain designs only at certain chains. 

Before I knew it, I was traveling to three different stores because I NEEDED the stickers from Joann's, the extension pack from Michael's, and the planner available at Staples. It hit me. This is my beanie baby collecting inner child coming back to bite my budget in the ass.

Dammit.

I knew I was influenced by ads, but this one snuck up on me.

I've been stalking the clearance sections now, and sales. If I can't use a coupon, or don't have a VERY specific need, I don't buy it. But it doesn't mean I don't watch the videos. Some of these chicks with their perfectly manicured hands and calm voices relax me more than ASMR videos. 

I'm trying really hard to use up the products I have. Will I stop buying stickers? Probably not, but if I don't think I'll use at least 50% of the book when I can buy it on sale and use a coupon, I leave it behind now. Because my stash is embarrassingly large. Although I think any writer has a stash of office supplies somewhere in their home. Don't judge me too harshly. Y'all have some washi tape covered glass houses too.

But be weary. You might find yourself needed extra storage to keep you planner supplies. Don't let this happen to you! Or if you are already a lost cause like I am, tell me when the next sale is!


​~Roxy

I have heard both sides of the argument for proper grammar in social media posts. 

Side 1:
If you are a professional, or want to be viewed as one, proper grammar in every aspect of your public persona is vital. How can people take you seriously if you can't present yourself as such?

Devil's advocate:
Social media is supposed to be about interacting in a more relaxed and social setting. People are meant to joke and play, and do things to show they're human. So making mistakes is part of that. Professionalism is reserved for work emails, meetings, and contracts.

Side 2: 
People want the abbreviations, slang, and general goof-off in social media. Interacting with people as they would interact with you is important in all avenues, but especially where they go. Facebook tends to be an older crowd. Twitter needs punchy and sensational draw. Instagram is littered with extra emojis and short videos. (Don't ask me about Snapchat. I'm too old for that one.) It's important to observe what crowd you're catering to and adapt.

Devil's advocate:
Even if you're using social media channels as a way to maintain an online presence, you need to remember that what you put out is part of your brand. Do you want to be the person who never spells correctly and then try to sell people your newest release? It's important to put out what you promise to deliver, and you don't want people thinking you're delivering them crap.

Where do I fall?

Somewhere in the middle, as I'm assuming most of us do. I'll use a slang term or alternate spelling on occasion. I'm hip to the ways of the kids these days. (No, I'm not, but I pretend really well sometimes.) Mostly, I use terms and sentence structure you'd hear me spout in person. I'm not good at putting on a false persona, and as I get older, I have no desire to hide who I am. I don't use proper grammar in my every day life. Thank goodness for my editors reigning me in!

However, I do think what I put out online should be something I wouldn't be embarrassed to say in public. And it should be something that people don't have to read ten times to understand. Bad grammar can cloud your message because people will have to decipher your code of incoherent shit.

I can translate typos, so I don't hold it against someone who drops the occasional comma. But the glorious Google is always there to check spellings for us. I will judge you if you neglect to do a simple search to ensure complex words are written correctly. And I will especially judge you if you don't use punctuation AT ALL. I have seen this going around quite frequently and it drives me nuts. Periods in sentences are not the same ones that make us break out in zits and curl around a water bottle once a month. Don't be afraid of them in your social media posts. 

But the main thing is to not take it too seriously. Did you throw out a doozie of an error? Call yourself out and laugh with it. It happens. 

Are you a perfectionist when it comes to social media grammar? Or are you more relaxed? I'd love to hear about it. And if you want a video to help you realize your posts aren't that bad...check this out. Made me giggle. 

​~Roxy

I've been doing a complete Miracle Morning (granted a short one, but I check off every letter of my SAVERS) for 41 days now. Yes, I got my scribing done just before I hopped on here. Give me my applause. 

And y'all...things are starting to happen. 

I'm in a better mood. Maybe it's the meditation, maybe it's the gratitude I'm doing every day, or maybe it's the fact that I'm reading everyday again. Who knows. But what I can tell you is I find myself smiling more. I find myself saying more positive things to myself and others and meaning every damn word. After the negative place I found myself in last year, it's a welcome change.

I've also found I'm more patient with myself and my family. Don't get me wrong. I still get frustrated, and I still get overwhelmed from time to time, but I find I'm a lot more able to deal with the emotion, acknowledge it, and work toward a solution instead of spinning my wheels.

I'm on the second month of swatching a big red X through the day to complete my Miracle Morning, and even if the entire day gets dumped upside down on it's head, I can look over at that calendar and take a breath knowing I've accomplished SOMETHING. Not just one something either, six of them. 

Now...we get to the real tea. 

My path to publication stalled after quite a few no's recently. And I took it hard. Last year I was hoping to self-publish some of my books, but the fact is, they weren't ready and neither was I. This year I started on January 1st with my miracle morning, and some affirmations about my writing. 

I've written more in these last 40 days than I had in 4 months last year. I'm seeing the spark return, and I'm excited again. I've also been trying out a few pitches and contests here and there. I've gotten two hits in less than two months. 

Again...could it be luck? Could it be chance? Of course. 

But it could also be the fact that I'm putting my Miracle Morning into practice. It could be that those affirmations are starting to manifest. It could be that the woo woo stuff I'd scoffed at is making a real difference in my life.

Am I saying that you have to do a Miracle Morning yourself, to get results in your life? No. I don't know you and I don't know what your personal goals and dreams are. But what I will tell you is I'm seeing real results from my practice. I'm seeing proof in my own life that changing my mindset is working, and what I'm putting out into the world is growing bigger and faster than I planned.

Maybe this woo woo stuff isn't bullshit. Maybe you should give it a try too. If you practice a miracle morning and have noticed changes, I'd love to hear about them. Tell me all the good things you've brought about in your life. Let's spread some awesome around the internet today. 

​~Roxy

What would I do if I knew I'd succeed?

That was a question I first heard on a podcast that has quickly become one of my favorites, "Unf*ck Your Brain". A lot of people I've talked to didn't get the same impact from the question as I did. They must not be listening to the podcast. They're missing out.

But the question resonated with me, and I have a feeling a lot of people with a debilitating fear of failure would benefit from thinking on this one too.

I want to break down exactly what this question sparks in me, and share just what kind of meaning it's already started to bring into my every day life.

I'm petrified of failing. Maybe it's that one D I got on a report card in elementary school that sparked it. Maybe it's the fact that I came out on top of a lot of school projects by working the system and learning the teachers instead of the material. Or perhaps it's the fact that I get some of my best work done last minute. (That's what my inner demons chant around the fire, but that's a topic for another day.) However you look at it, I've spent the majority of my life earning grades, getting jobs, and most of it was a first time success. I didn't have a lot of failure, so the first time it happened for me...in any capacity...it was devastating. 

As much as I want to break out and do something fantastic, routine feels comfortable. Even if it's a routine I hate, it's a known entity. As I've gotten older, the routines I've forged out of financial and health necessity have started to turn into ruts. It's a lot harder to change a position you've been in for a decade, than it is to upend just a year long venture.

What would I do if I knew I'd succeed?

This question struck me. Would I be doing exactly what I was doing now if I knew I couldn't fail? Nope. Not a chance. I work in retail. With no benefits. And no hope of promotion unless I'd agree to a 50 hour work week, and following rules I don't agree with. I don't know of anyone who'd be doing that.

But it's hard to go from someone who is stuck in a rut to taking chances on dreams that seem monumentally huge. It's damn difficult to put yourself out there to someone who might *gasp* say, "No."

That's why I started with some baby steps. 

There's a technique I've talked about previously called "Thought Ladder" that brought me to a way to use this idea of shooting for the stars in my every day life.

My end goal is to think big enough and have enough confidence in myself and my abilities to ask "What would I do if I knew I'd succeed?" and have the perfect answer. Frankly, I don't have an answer yet. But I'm working on it. Let me show you what path I've started on to get myself to the big dreams.

1. It wouldn't hurt if I tried this.
Not even a question, but go with me here. Many of the things I want to go for and step out of my comfort zone for, send my mind on a world-ending spiral. So taking a step back and reminding myself that most of the things I can take a chance on won't change my current situation at all, or will only result in a "no" or an opportunity I still have the choice to take or not take, puts my brain at ease. 

2. What great things could happen if I tried this instead?
We've moved up to a question. See? Progress. Asking myself what good things would happen instead of just a general "What if?" sets me up for a positive mindset that I'm going for. And using "could", allows me to let my brain still cling to the fact that the good might not happen, but makes me realize it's a possibility. 

3. What's the best outcome in this instance? And what would be the minimum I want to proceed with the project?
Now we're getting somewhere. Here's the tricky part. Sometimes the best outcome I've pictured in my head is smaller than what happens. I'm a "realist" sure, some say pessimist, but they don't understand me. ;) When I go over exactly what I think the best outcome is, I learn that sometimes I'm wrong in the best way. Sometimes I don't hit the goals I set, but there is still something worth going for. Which is what the second part of this query is about. If I get something good out of the venture, what is the bare bones I need to move forward. In the writing world especially, this could be a contract. Best case? A hefty advance. Minimum requirement? A solid contract with an end date and an exit clause.

4. What would I do if I knew I'd succeed?
We've made it! This is where I'm trying to get to with every part of my day. What would I do if I had the option of doing whatever I wanted with my life? And how would the action I'm taking at this very moment benefit that? What would I do if I knew I had the secret sauce and whatever I touched would turn gold?

Me? I'd be promoting. I'd be querying. I'd be putting myself out at book signings. I'd be writing. 

Taking my own advice is damn hard sometimes. And I get discouraged. But it's worth taking a shot. Let's walk through a very recent example of this practice I had with #CarinaPitch. I've been intrigued by Carina as a publisher for quite some time, and I have a project I've been fiddling with for far longer than I should be. (AKA, it should be done by now.) Carina Pitch is a twitter contest where you attempt to entice an editor at Carina with your pitch in tweet form. 

I started out at Step 1. It wouldn't hurt if I threw out a tweet for the pitch. They're accepting proposals, so I'm well within the rules to toss out a tweet for my WIP. This contest is good elevator pitch practice, and exercises my logline skills. I should try this.

Step 2. By doing this I could gain name recognition with the editors at the publisher I've got my sights set on. I can familiarize myself with their submission process, and if I were to get a request, I have a chance at getting excellent feed back about what they're looking for.

Step 3. The best outcome would be getting a request or two. I could get a deadline I desperately need, and get feedback about the project from industry professionals. The minimum benefit would be practice tightening my words, finding my hook, and reaching out to some of my contacts for feedback. When I laid this out, there was no good reason not to give it a shot.

Step 4. If I knew I'd succeed, I'd write out a second tweet by myself for the project (we were allowed two per the rules), and go for it. If I knew I'd succeed, I'd submit the best work I can do, and gain the attention of the editorial director and my editor of choice. I'd submit my proposal and I'd sign a contract I am excited to put my name on.

I got three requests. One of them from the editorial director herself. I pulled a couple of my buddies into my process for one of the tweets, taking time to work it down to the best possible verbiage. The other tweet, I gave myself the freedom to knock it out and have fun. Both got requested. 

Did I think any of that would happen? NOPE. But now I'm working out my submission, and getting some seriously excellent help from some friends. I'm also doing something I probably wouldn't be doing unless I'd had the audacity to ask myself, "What would I do if I knew I'd succeed?"

~Roxy
 

A lot of people are talking about the "Tidying Up" show on Netflix with Marie Kondo at the moment, so I'm sure when I talk about what "brings me joy", a petite and perfectly dressed woman with the most perfect hair ever pops into your head.

Seriously, that woman's hair is never out of place and I'm sitting here blowing my split ends out of my eyes as I type wondering, "HOW?!?"

But I'm talking about a slightly different type of joy. One that doesn't involve purging my belongings.

I love notebooks. I love looking at them, and buying them, and all the other stationary hoarding tendencies that some of us tend to exhibit in the world of writers. Unlike our buddy Ms. Kondo, who would have you try to thin out what you're not using, I'm all for being surrounded by these bad boys.

In a recent blog post about my 3 months of morning pages, I talked about how amazing it felt to fill up a notebook for the first time. I am onto my red notebook with the floral edging. I had to adjust my mindset a little, but I'm back on track and have been writing daily for over a month again with my Miracle Morning SAVERS. 

The act of filling up pages and not worrying about it being for something "important enough", is exhilarating. As I inch closer and closer to the back cover with my chicken scratch, I get a little giddy.

Folks, I'm about to fill up my SECOND notebook ever. 

Here's the thing. I don't know why I ever stopped journaling. I had diaries as a kid. That I never finished. I had idea books as a teenager, that sat more than three quarters empty. But now I'm starting to actively journal in a stream of consciousness way without pressure and it's been incredible. I feel lighter, I feel happier, and I feel like I'm taking time that is just for me and not a damn other person on the planet. If I'm working a challenge, or doing some kind of self-improvement class work, that goes in the journal too, but the important part is, I'm putting pen to paper EVERY SINGLE DAY.

A YouTube Channel I follow, Heart Breathings, is giving herself a challenge this year to fill up one notebook a month. (She's also a notebook hoarder and is working through her collection.) Check out the video below for what she's working on. Check out her channel if you want some serious notebook porn, because she has a video dedicated to flipping through her entire collection. And it made me want to go shopping.

While I'm not trying to use any specific number of notebooks each month, I am, as part of my goal to practice my Miracle Morning every day in 2019, going to be writing in a notebook every single day. I don't have as extensive of a collection as some, but I've got more than I'd like to admit. So I'm going to do my own #HBNotebookChallenge, and take a picture each month for my Instagram showing how my bookshelf progresses as I slowly fill it up with filled notebooks. 

Right now, there are only two. One I filled up near the end of 2018, and the new one I've been working through in 2019. I'm hoping to add at least 5 more to the shelf by the end of the year for my notebook challenge. 

Quick note, I was seriously about to say, I don't think I have enough blank notebooks to use for the whole year, and then my eyes landed on one of the bookshelves across from me in my bedroom where I'm typing this. I can count six on a single shelf. I swear. I have notebook amnesia. I don't even remember buying the damn things!

But it's all good. Because they make me happy to see them. They make me happy to flip through them. And as I fill more of them up with morning thoughts and intentions at the start of each day, I find so much joy in the process of writing in them.

What about you? Do you hoard notebooks? Are you going to participate in your own #HBNotebookChallenge? If you are, tell me how many notebooks you'd like to work through in 2019. Or tell me how many you've got stashed around your house. I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

If you google search "Writer Quirks" you'll have reading material for days. We could go over the usual stereotypes of writers who are obsessed with coffee and wine and the oxford comma. Most of us are. There have been a few buddies of mine that don't fit the mold. I worry about them sometimes.

But I've learned that those of us who spend some time sitting at a keyboard and typing out our stories, all have something we HAVE to do. There is a little quirky bit in all of us that sets us apart from the masses.

I've known people who do elaborate plot boards, or people who need a specific set of pens and post-its for notes. 

At first I tried to hide my quirks or just plain had to because I didn't have an office before last year. Since I've set up my own space and  had some time to settle in, I've noticed a few things about myself, and thought I'd share.

My Top Five Weird Writing Ways... 

1. I write better with over the ear headphones on. Nope. No idea why. Even if there's nothing playing in them, the act of putting the world-hushing cups over my ears gets me writing more quickly than I would have otherwise. I put them on before I started writing this blog.

2. I need post-its and a pen. Always. If I'm cooking away on a scene and don't want to stop, but a thought entered my brain about an upcoming event, major life task I should have already handled, bill I should pay, etc...I HAVE to write it down. So I scribble a note and slap it on the wall in front of me. It's on paper so it's out of my head and I can continue where I was. If I didn't have that paper, I would have had to stop the flow coming from my fingers and lose the magic. I don't always write on those sheets of paper, but I do have to have them. Otherwise I worry about not having them as I'm writing. (There's a reason I titled this list "weird")

3. A pen any color other than red to use for edits. Maybe it's the vicious ways those teachers used to mark up my first stories in middle school with red, or the blast of red that comes on a computer screen with the track changes file from the editors. I don't know. But I can't make edits to my paper copy with red. I usually use purple or green. I can't stand marking up paper with red. I'm pretty sure I changed my own Track Changes colors to reflect this too. I like making a manuscript better and ripping it to shreds. I just want it to bleed purple.

​4. A dog and a cat bed around me. Hubby calls me Snow White. Wherever I am, the pets have to be, and if I don't have a space for them to perch, or snuggle, they chose me. My dog has a bed by my feet, and my cat has a small ottoman he can perch on. He's too high and mighty to stay on the floor. I don't know if this is a writer quirk or an animal one, but it's something I have to have cleared off if I plan to get any work done.

5. Noise. I need noise. I've only recently started writing in an office and I found out really quick that writing without some kind of background noise was HELL. My mind wandered. I bounce back and forth between a well-curated Pandora channel, and my favorite Ambient Mixer room, the Hogwarts Library. If I'm going in for longer stints I can rock with the Pandora station that had driving beats to keep me going, but if I need to zero in and focus, it's going to be my ASMR-style background noise. 

Are you a writer? What are your weirdly wonderful ways that you keep the words flowing? I'd love to hear about them.

​~Roxy