I started writing because I loved reading so much. Way back in the long long ago, I was just a reader who discovered her kindle. I paid way more money than I probably should have, but that little device brought me so much fucking joy, that I regret nothing.
 
In finding my joy this year, I am working on doing things that make me happy. Like last week, I sat down with a friend I made through this whole crazy writer world and we just brainstormed. I told her that I want to write a book next month, that I need to hit a “THE END” and we went from a hint of “I miss vampires” to an entire character arc and story line for both her book and mine. I’m so grateful for your willingness to lock the door to the craziness in your own house and take that couple of hours with me, Kayleigh Malcolm. (Seriously, buy a book from the woman. She’s brilliant.)
 
But even though I’ve said it before in an offhand manner, I've noticed something about myself this past month. I do better when I have more to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still need to do the dance between overloading my TO DO’s and sleeping all day, but when I have multiple things to keep track of, my mind goes into serious mode. I make lists and plans, and I know that I have to get X done, because Y is up next.
 
So I’m going to start jumping into a few small frying pans and see if I can dance again.
 
Starting with....

A READ ALONG!

Even before I fell hard for my Kindle, I fell in love with vampires.​ I can remember checking very specific books out from the library again and again. LJ Smith was also the first author I hunted down and spent my own money on in the bookstore. (I think it was a Borders. RIP) And her Vampire Diaries were the ones I fell hardest for.

The original 90’s-tastic book covers for the Vampire Diaries are stuck in my mind. That black crow with Elena’s blue eyes peaking out…LOVE. 

These are the books I blame for my start down the road to romance. Before I even knew exactly what it was. This unnatural pull and fated meeting...this was my shit.

Yes, I know there was/is a TV show about this. But any LJ Smith purist knows Elena Gilbert is FUCKING BLOND WITH BLUE EYES!

ahem. Sorry.

Actually, no I'm not. Those features had meaning and purpose, and my little teenage heart still hurts that a brunette played her.

I tried to get into the show, but it veered too far off the path of the original story for me. 

I've heard of people currently doing a re-read of Twilight because of the nostalgic flutter that it gave their hearts. I don't have that for Twilight. I did read the books, and they were a fast read for me. But all I could think of when reading them was the Vampire Diaries. The OG vampire love triangle. The struggle of family and loss. All with 90's bangs and so much teenage angst I'm probably going to choke on it. But I'm going to love every minute.

Does this book hold up in today's world? Probably not, but if you go into this in the same frame of mind you'd have watching Friends, or Full House, you'll get it.

​So whether you want to relive a little 90's drama, or see some of what the hell happened to my head as a child that made me who I am today. Read along with me! 

This week, let's read "The Awakening". There are various formats available, but I'll be reading from the 2007 re-release edition. It's a quick read, and I figure in a week, most people will decide this either is or isn't their cup of tea and will allow those of us who are still obsessed to move onto the next book in a speedy way. 

Just realized, maybe this is where I got my obsession with cover art that stares you down! Huh.

Either way, I'm reading this book from Today, Feb 15th, through Feb 22nd. Then it will be onto "The Struggle".

Feel free to chat here in the comments, or head on over to my Facebook page and let me know what you thought of this. I'll link the thread below. Or come tell me what book flips your nostalgia switch! I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

​My planner game hasn’t been the strongest. In fact…I have been a "burnout" type of planner as of late. I go ham for a few months/weeks, where I am on my shit. I will know exactly where I need to be, will check my planner multiple times through the day and get my to do list done early. But then I start adding more and more to my list. Because I’ve been so productive, that I can do more, right? Wrong. That's when the lists get so long that I can’t possibly do it all. Which makes me sad. Which means I feel like (and often do) throw the whole planner game out the window.
 
Why am I mentioning this? Because it’s the start of a new year. It’s the start of a new month, and I am procrastinating about setting up my planner for February. I was going to get this blog up last week, so I could set up my new habit tracker that I’d been loving in January. I was going to be on task and loving what I did. As usual, I'm adding too much to my plate, and I need to knock that shit out.
 
I have decided to do mini goals for 2020 instead of one big one, or massive never-ending To Do lists. With my kids’ activities taking up more and more time, and random life events causing massive shifts in my day, I have no idea what next month, let alone the end of the year is going to look like.
 
So I am going to use monthly goals instead. And super small ones. Some things might turn into habits, and I may end up getting way more than three things done, but it's my thought that if I can accomplish three little things every day to push me toward the joy I want to achieve this year...then I'm moving in the right direction.
 
I’m using a mini Happy Planner to attempt to wrangle all the kid/family activities this year, and having a habit tracker gives me yet another reason to open my planner.
 
Along with working on finding my joy this year, I’m also trying to give myself a little grace. There are going to be days when I am on it, and getting shit done like a badass. Then there are going to be days where I’m not mentally or physically capable. So I am going for a top three, and the idea that some is better than none.
 
In January my top 3 items were Journal, Read, and, Water before Coffee. I didn’t do too bad. And I have a feeling some of these items are going to become habitual for me.
 
In February, I’m hoping to get back into some of the things I love. I’ve been digging back into my tarot collection, and want to start doing daily pulls for myself. I’ve already been journaling on my iPad as a morning page practice, but I’ve found myself truly enjoying making notes about my tarot spread for the day, and want to keep that up.
 
I also want to start writing fiction again. I am not putting pressure on myself other than needing to sit down and get words on the page. The creative muscles need some exercise, and I’m going to get back into it 200 words at a time. So my second daily goal, is 200 fiction words per day.
 
The third goal was one I have been going back and forth on, but I think it is going to be to develop a night time routine. My pets and crazy morning schedule don’t leave me much flex in my mornings. What I have a bit more control of is how I spend my nights. I want to develop and do an evening routine every night in February. Even laying out my clothes for the next day and prepping the coffee maker makes the morning feel so much less stressful. I still have to come up with said "routine" but I work well under pressure. So I should have something by the end of the night, right? LOL.
 
As far as the year goes, I have no idea where I’ll end up, but I’m going to try and take it one month at a time.
 
I love the idea of monthly goals instead of yearly ones. How do you set goals for yourself? Have you changed how you set yourself up for success?
 
I’d love to hear about it.
 
~Roxy

I noticed the sunrise today. 

There are these blinking lights that create a mini-rave on the main road I take every morning to drop off my hubby at work. Normally these lights drive me bonkers. They tend to make the horrible traffic on the road even more distracting and disturbing. 

But today, when my eyes caught these lights they drew my attention to the sky. Stunning shades of pink and purple and blue blended together like a kickass woven blanket. 

You're probably asking yourself why I'm talking about the sky when this blog is supposed to be about my word for this year. And the reason is simple. My word is...

JOY

I was journaling and playing with my Merriam-Webster Dictionary/Thesaurus for a good week in the new year to try and pick my word. I was behind due to a bout of the plague going around, and was debating on if I even wanted a word this year. But I bought myself a cool maker's kit from MyIntent, and I still had some bracelets left. I wanted to use it, dammit.

I wanted a word that would give me a boost. My word for last year was "Start" and while I intended for it to give me a push to just do something, anything, what it ended up doing was making me feel like I had yet another chore, or yet another thing to do. Last year was a massive fail. And I wanted a word this year that wouldn't be another "To Do."

After almost giving up, I started to notice something. I noticed the word "Joy" pop up again and again. I wanted to find "Joy" in my writing again. I wanted to read books I en"Joy" this year. I wanted to be excited and find the "Joy" in everything, even failure.

My word for 2020 isn't a task. It isn't a plan. It's an intention. Wearing this word on my wrist isn't a reminder about what I still have to do, it's a reminder to be mindful and joyful in whatever is happening at this exact moment.

For example...I am sitting in a McDonald's writing this between dropping one kid off at school, and heading in for an IEP meeting for another. The place is completely empty, so I had my choice of seats. Yay!

Then group of older folks came in, looked at the entirely empty place and sat...right next to me on the same bench seat. UGH.

But I felt my bracelet. I felt my intention for this year and I stopped before my brain could start the usual spiral. As they begin talking LOUDLY about their memories of their parents' farms in the 40's (someone grew peanuts), I downloaded a white noise app on my phone. I've been meaning to get a white noise app on my new phone, and hadn't taken the time. This allowed me to check something off my massive to do list, and it's something that I'm doing just for me. Pretty damn good time.

I'm listening to birds chirp in the rainforest at the moment, and have a little smile on my face. Also have a bit of a grin because if these older conservative folks look over at my computer and get nosey, my hot little cover for "Bottled Up" is right next to where I'm typing these words. Heh.

I'm ready to go on a journey this year, and instead of planning out my day...something that never seems to work out for me...I'm going to head out into the world each day searching for the things that bring me joy.

My word is "Joy". What's yours?

​~Roxy

There are probably at least two or three other posts about this even on my own blog, but I wanted to take a minute to talk about the bad days. I have had quite a few and so have many other people around me lately. So I think it's worth discussing again.

I don't claim any knowledge about mental illness or great insight into physical ailments. I am for the most part, able bodied, and aside from the occasional slips, I am able to function in the real world with some mental stability.

But there was a time, where I binge-watched Netflix shows and didn't eat anything but instant ramen. I knew my husband was worried about me, but aside from getting into therapy, (which we couldn't afford), I had to ride it out. And I did. Because I've done the "ride it out" dance quite a few times over the years. 

When I got into planners, bullet journals, morning pages, and all the variations of those types of things, I found out that my way of coping worked best when I wrote down what I needed to do. 

This doesn't work for everyone, but making lists and crossing off the little wins throughout the day helped me put one foot in front of the other. 

If you are a planner addict, or list maker, like me...I wanted to share what I put on my list on the really bad days.

ROXY'S SELF-CARE TO DO LIST

1. Shower - There is something incredibly cathartic about washing yourself physically and watching the water run down the drain. I'm not a bath person. Soaking in my own funk is not for me. But if it's your happy place, do you. However you clean yourself...it's something I always put on my list when I realize I'm in a bad place. Because I usually need it by then.

2. Drink a full bottle of water - Being dehydrated is something I struggle with when I'm down. I resort to coffee and wine, and pretty much drink the first one until it's socially acceptable to drink the second. Drinking water is something I track when I need to, and in those rare moments I'm on a diet. A nutrition coach said you need to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. (200lbs = 100oz/day) So I try to hit that goal, but on a bad day...I'm happy with a full bottle.

3. Eat something green - Diet also tends to suffer on the bad days, because fast food is easy, and tasty. But when I miss veggies in too many meals, my body feels it. Don't know if that has to do with getting older, or just more in tune with my body...either way...eat your veggies, kids.

4. Take a nap - I have put this on my To Do list more than once. One of the kids has to be at the bus stop by 6:25 every morning. So my wake up calls are brutal. Naps not only give me permission to shut off my brain, but help me recoup some of the sleep I am always short on. And ducking under a fluffy comforter is better than therapy some days. 

Do you have a list of things that you do when you're having a really bad day? I'd love to hear them. I could always use items to add to my list. 

And if you're struggling because life can beat even the strongest person to the ground, please know that you're not alone. Please know that it's okay to huddle up and take care of yourself. And please know that you're worth taking care of.

​~Roxy

I felt the pain. The nails raking down my abdomen, made me aware that the beast had returned.
 
I was invaded. But there was no way to eradicate the blades ripping me open. You’d never know what was erupting inside me, just by looking at my skin. And that was exactly what the beast wanted. It lay in wait of the perfect moment to take over. It watched a perfectly normal life be lived. It knew to strike when I felt the most safe. Belly full of food, napping on the bed, I didn’t even see the bastard coming.
 

​The shredded remains of my inner organs stayed put beneath beaten skin today. I was lucky. I remained conscious. I remained upright, and I didn’t once spew the vileness the beast provided like bacon-wrapped delicacies on a silver platter. I’m strong, but even I can recognize when I am outmatched. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.

​But the beast felt my defeat, and grew in strength as it drained my own. It knew I couldn’t hide. It knew I was powerless to stop it. There was nothing left to do but bleed.
 

​In other words…
 
I started my period and this sucks. Send chocolate.
 
~Roxy

If I have learned anything about myself, it is that I am a self-help book ho. I love self-help books. 

There aren't a ton of brilliant break through moments in these tomes. Many self-help books talk about the same basic tenants. 

Some of the themes I see repeated...

1. Use affirmations to tell yourself exactly who you are about to become.

2. Think big, but start with small steps. Goals need baby steps, just like we did.

3. Start your day off right. Most of the time, by starting it off early.

Yeah. Early morning productivity is a big theme I see a lot in books. We all remember my Miracle Morning kick, right? If not, I'll spare you. I got injured and felt like absolute shit when I couldn't complete the umpteen million steps I had laid out for myself every day.

My miracle mornings had me feeling like I could take on the world...if I got them done. When I started missing the routine, I felt like absolute shit. I felt like a failure, and added into the other craziness that was going on in my life around the time I started missing my routine, it was one more issue that sent me spiraling. 

As a straight-A student for the vast majority of my life, failure is something I fear. Failure causes an eruption of emotions that should probably be addressed by a professional, but that would involve me admitting my own short-comings to a real person face-to-face, and I can't think of a more real vision of hell.

And after saying all that...my latest self-help read is about waking up early and doing morning routines. 

Now that you've all face-palmed at me, let me explain why. 

I thrive in the mornings. The house is quiet. I get one-on-one time with my pets. I get to listen to audiobooks or podcasts without someone constantly interrupting me (in a house with 5 people and 4 pets that's huge), and I get to drink my coffee all the way through without reheating it.

When I was writing regularly, my best words came before noon. After making lunch for everyone and scarfing down my own food in between the different meals for my pickyass family, I wasn't good for much more than mundane tasks.

In the new year I want to find the joy in my life again, and much of that joy came from writing, reading, and my animals. When did I get time for all that? Around 5am.

​Which is why I used some built up audible credits to download, Good Morning, Good Life.

I'm also following along with a book club through one of my favorite planner channels on YouTube, Cindy Guentert-Baldo. She is doing a lot of "plan with me" style videos for the new year, and while she and I are not of the same planning style, I like hearing her opinions, and she's a foul-mouthed momma that I relate to on a lot of levels. 

My thoughts on this book...

1. Buy or borrow in paper if you can.

This book has a few exercises at the end of the chapters that are a pain the butt to do if you have to keep rewinding to get the information down. In fact, I only completed the first prompt, because I was listening to this book while running errands, and stopping in the middle of the grocery store to write down deep meaningful journal entries just wasn't going to work for me. I'm probably going to re-read this or at least jump to the prompt pages when I have more time.

2. This is a kidless woman who works out of her home talking about how to make the most out of your mornings. 

To be fair, she acknowledges that she has it easier than a lot of people, but I know many folks will be grumpy by this fact, so giving you the heads up if you're thinking of purchasing. That being said, I don't disagree with her logic or her methods. There is always a way to fit in your dreams, but you have to make it a serious priority. I published my first book in a 1200 square foot house with no office, three kids, and two dogs underfoot. Everyone has their problems, and if we assign priority to something, we can do it. (Not talking about people with chronic health issues or people in crisis mode. You know when you're ready to do something about your dreams.)

3. I view this as Miracle Morning Lite

I saw a lot of the Miracle Morning mindset and techniques in this book. The difference? Amy doesn't expect you to do all of them every morning. She just suggests options and wants you to craft your own experience. 

4. A couple of items I plan on getting back to after reading this.

I'm going to start drinking water first thing in the morning again. Hydration is super important, and being that I'm recovering from the plague over here, it's extra vital. I'm also going to start journaling again. But I'm not ready to do anything too commitment heavy, so I'm journaling in the goodnotes app. One page. Big text. I'm also going to start reading more. But I have to admit that I'm not ready for romance yet. So I'm picking up alternatives. I'm getting into The Burial Society, by Nina Sadowsky, and I'm trying to read paper again to work on disconnecting from the internet. I learned I need to have a healthy distance sometimes, and it's important to have mental downtime.


The new year is always a time that I feel inspired to mix things up in my life. But rather than a radical shift this year, I'm going to start plucking bits from past years and make a new reality for myself. 

I started this morning sitting alone and writing this blog. The kids and hubby are all asleep. School and all the activities that come with it start back up tomorrow, so I'm taking today to enjoy the calm before the storm.

I'm off to do a quick journal entry, and then read a book to unplug. After a load of dishes, because I think they multiplied overnight. 

What are you going to do for yourself today?

~Roxy

I don't know how long ago, or how many times, but I know I've talked about making the decision to do something on this blog before. That decision could be anything from finally moving that load of laundry you've washed three times already to the dryer, or setting up a retirement plan and drafting a will.

We make decisions about how to spend our time every day, and for a lot of us procrastinators out there, we find ourselves saying things like...

"I ran out of time"

"The day got away from me"

"How is it already 8pm?"

Just because we didn't actively say, "I'm going to scroll through twitter and find out what my Hogwarts house says about my dessert preferences through a quiz" we choose to do just that.

We put different levels of importance on different tasks. For my fellow procrastinators out there, if the world is not going to implode right this minute, most of our tasks can wait. In that eleventh hour we become productivity machines. We also figure out really quickly what items on our list necessitate the highest priority. Because when you need to get at least four hours of sleep before the evil day job, you're going to make a few cuts to your list. And the ability to have a clean mug to drink coffee out of in the morning usually tops my list, which is why in my eleventh hour I end up doing dishes.

I've gotten to the point in my adulting journey where I've realized if I make the decision to do something with all my mind and my heart, it gets done. No matter what the task is, or how odd of a time in my life it has to happen, I get shit done. But...I have to be all in. 

I was trying to come up with a way to make you understand what "All In" means. 

The best example of this in my recent memory is when I decided hubby and I were going to move. I knew when I wanted to sign on the dotted line. I knew I didn't want to be in any transitionary housing, and I knew we couldn't afford to buy one house without selling the other. So I took on basically a full time job of prepping one house, hunting for another, securing the financing, and finally accomplishing the move. I didn't have a backup plan. We'd be successful, or we'd be homeless. I got shit done.

Was the move fun? Um...no. Were there some things that could have gone more smoothly? Definitely, but we are in our new house, with a lower monthly payment, and no one sued us. So we're doing good.

I was committed. And I realized that if I give myself that level of commitment, I CAN accomplish whatever I want. 

Never had something that was that life or death to compare it to? Okay...let's talk about the last time you really had to poop. Think back to that sense of urgency. I bet good money, you didn't just say, "Oh well. I don't have time to drop a deuce right now. I'll have to get to it tomorrow."

No matter what you were doing when that bad Mexican food from lunch hit you, you found a way to get to a bathroom.  You re-worked your drive route to stop in and obliterate a gas station bathroom. Or you re-thought your route home so you could avoid the massive pot holes that might have shaken something loose. You re-scheduled a meeting because there was no way you were going to be able to meet with a client and not shit your pants. You...in that moment...made the decision to go to the bathroom.

I can hear you now..."But Roxy, that's different. You can't NOT go to the bathroom." To you naysayers out there, I'm telling you, if you have the ability to rework your schedule to go to the bathroom, you have the ability to rework the schedule to get your work done.

All you have to do, is feel the urgency that comes with it. That "NOW" feeling that makes your toes curl, because it's got to happen right this very second. When you can make yourself feel that...then you've really decided to do something. 

I'm a writer, and one of the biggest problems I come across in my "Must Do" is getting started writing. I get interrupted. A dog vomits, a cat starts clawing the couch, or my problematic car dies and needs to get serviced...again. But when I really make the decision to write. I do it. I've written on my laptop in the repair shop. I've written on my phone while waiting in line at the vet. I've written on voice recording apps on my phone when stuck in traffic or running errands. I don't find the time, I create it.

So tell me...what have you decided is going to happen today? What are you going to create time for? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

Today is a day that makes me smile. Because it was a way to play with my friends. 

I love April Fool's Day. Even the biggest companies get to make jokes and produce big spoofs for us to giggle at. I always scroll through the social media of my favorite folks and every time they partake in the big day.

My favorite post from today was this YouTube video. 

They get brownie points from me for the headphones on the goats.

But this is one of those days that you need to take every video and post with a skeptical eye. Leading to one of my favorite realities of April Fool's Day...this is the one day of the year where people investigate things before they re-post them. If only we could do that all year. ;)

I adore the little jokes and shenanigans that run rampant. Even if it means mentally tasting birthday cake flavored salad dressing. Ew.

In the end, I love any excuse to laugh and have a good time. Which is exactly why I have a couple of novellas that are perfect bedtime stories while you're wrapping up your last pranks of the day. Who knows...you may even get an idea or two out of them.

​I've provided links and a little about each book below. But if you want to get your hands on the FULL collection of stories I've somehow convinced my friends to write, head to AprilFoolsForLove.com and you'll find my stories plus some hilarious and sexy stories from Mary Hughes, Jodi Redford, S.L. Carpenter, and Kayleigh Malcolm. 

When The Lights Go Out
April Fools For Love 2015
​
Named after the date of her conception, April Prime was used to hiding away and avoiding the world on April Fools’ Day. Or at the very least, avoiding her parents who tended to celebrate the holiday very differently from the rest of the world.

This year would be different. This year she closed on a home, and was taking control of her life. A few hiccups had her headed to an office supply store in search of moving supplies. Crashing through a bathroom door, she stumbled on a bit more than she expected when mister tall, dark, and indisposed was already using the facilities.

Taylor James was stuck being the brunt of yet another round of April Fools’ pranks. One of them being a change of the bathroom door signs. He went to work knowing he’d have to navigate a mine field. What he didn’t expect was a woman bursting in on him only to send his head spinning.

Despite the scenery, April is ready to make a red-faced retreat. That’s when a car crash knocks out the power to everything inside the store, including the electronic locks.

By the glow of the emergency flood light the two realize they may be stuck for a long while. April and Taylor could wait out the inconvenience in silence, or they could capture a moment together, and just maybe find something special when the lights go out.
Warning: Sex in the dark may lead to orgasms and head injury.

Bottled Up
April Fools For Love 2016

A clogged drain. A pretend plumber. An April Fool’s Day to remember.
 
Good looks don’t last forever, and neither do modeling careers. When Nate’s time in the sun ends, he goes back to school. Trouble is, in order to pay for his last semester he’s going to need to get naked.
 
When a four month modeling contract took Nate Dallas on an adventure around the world, he was too young to realize he was an idiot to leave his Blue-eyed Betty behind. After one night of passion he let her love letters fade in his pocket instead of fighting for a trip home.
 
Betty Townsend never forgot about Nate. He’d sent her the world in envelopes filled with sea shells and sand. She saw stars when he kissed her under a sparkling spotlight on stage. And she felt her heart break when he never returned to her.
 
When Nate shows up at Betty’s door, big wrench in hand, she can’t believe her first love is the one her friend hired to fix the sink.
 
Once Nate recognizes Betty, stripping is out of the question. So is leaving. He can’t throw this chance away. The heat between them is undeniable, but when Betty finds out her first love is covered in glitter down to his g-string, do they stand a chance at rekindling the love that never really burned out? Or will fate make fools out of them again?

Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! May you not get stuck to your toilet, and may your oreos not be filled with toothpaste. Enjoy each other today, and make sure to send me your favorite pranks or jokes from today. Who knows...they may end up in the next installment of April Fools For Love!

~Roxy

I've been known to call my retail gig the "Evil Day Job". It was one of those titles that I'd always used to not give away too much information over the internet. I may not be well known, but I do have a public presence that anyone could find if they went digging.

This month, my day job earned it's "evil" descriptor. 

Part of my duties include unloading palettes of product from trucks. Part of my employers' duties include making sure I have the proper equipment to do my job. Our truck shipments come on standard-sized wooden palettes that you may have seen people around the Pinterest world turning into various DIY projects. The palettes are often poorly stacked, but this time the shipment had shelving and other items needed for a large reset.

These palettes were double the normal length. And we didn't have forklift extensions. Or a larger motorized lift to unload them. The only way I could get these items off the trucks were by using the motorized lift we did have to tow the palettes to the edge, because the driver didn't have any equipment either. And then it was a whole lot of improvising. 

Did I mention the wind chill was below zero and all of this was taking place outside as well?

Yeah. 

After a few calls, with such trouble-shooting genius from our general and district manager as "take breaks" and "drop the shit" I did what I've been doing for years and went to work. I was cold. I was tired, and I was over it.

All in all it took three hours to unload everything. I had gloves with grip that were rated for below zero temps, so my hands were fine, but being that I work retail, my outfit was just regular jeans and tennis shoes. It was when I started to thaw out that I knew I'd hurt myself.

Pro-tip: even if you're used to stopping when something hurts, below zero wind chill makes it so you can't feel when it hurts.

I felt a tightening and slow building pain starting in my lower back and knew I'd screwed up. So I went right from work, to the doctor's. Oh, I finished my shift first, because my boss gets a bonus if we stay below a certain level of hours, and there was no one else to cover the floor. Let me tell you how much I appreciate that.

Anyway, I went to the medcheck designated by my work for workman's comp cases, and was in plastic chairs for three hours, waiting for them to make a diagnosis that I could have told them walking in. I went home with orders to rest, and loaded up with heavy duty muscle relaxers and pain pills.

If you've ever had an injury or been in a car wreck, you know that the day after you hurt yourself is when you really find out how bad you hurt yourself.

Fam...it was bad.

Turns out I'd been bruising the hell out of my legs because I couldn't feel them, so not only was I in extreme pain in my back, but I looked like I'd gotten some really poorly lined leopard spot tattoos all over my legs. My cat sitting on my lap was akin to torture.

So I did what the doc told me to do and took the medicine as prescribed. 

Now. I've never done recreational drugs before. And after this past month I think I made the correct choice to steer clear of mind-altering substances. Because I think I spent the better part of this month roleplaying as a puddle. The muscle relaxers had me loopy and unable to form sentences. Either that or I was asleep. I don't think I saw more than half the day without the back side of my eyelids trying to slide in front of my view.

I was pissed off too. I have been injured on occasion. Sometimes it was my own clutzy fault, and sometimes it was just a freak accident. Things happen. But I'd never been put in a situation where I was told by my superiors to do something that was unsafe and it resulted in a serious injury. 

I was mad at my management. I was mad at the project planners. But what surprised me most was how mad I was at my own body for not being able to handle it. I run most everything around my house, and I ended up needing help with absolutely every task from laundry to dishes, to even pushing a grocery cart. 

It took as much mental work as physical treatment to heal after this. And realizing my employer took not only time spent at doctors appointments away from me, but also the time spent healing really made me the most angry. I lost pretty much a month of my life, and despite being on severe limitations, I had to show up to work and work within my restrictions or I wouldn't get paid. 

I'm finally able to handle being out of bed without pain or being stupefied with drugs. I was finally able to follow along enough to read a book again the past two days. But most importantly...I was able to start writing again.

Not gonna lie, I had to strip down to the bare minimum of social media. Bless Twitter for giving my brain short snippets of contact with the outside world. Because anything else...I just wasn't up to it. And I've seen enough authors stick a whole leg in their mouths that I pulled back from everything to make sure I didn't do something stupid online while on muscle relaxers.

You might be asking yourselves right now, "Okay, Roxy. This sounds awful. Why don't you quit?"

Turns out retail work experience only gets you retail jobs, and I've been at my current company long enough that no one in their right mind is going to pay me what I get paid anywhere else. So if I leave, I'm taking a minimum of a 40% pay cut. 

Y'all...momma needs her days off.

I've been talking to brick walls for years letting my superiors know that the way they are running things is not safe, and someone is going to get hurt. I work with some young kids, so I'm almost glad it was me and not them. I'm hoping that I raised enough of a stink about it, and racked up enough follow up visit doctor's bills that these folks are going to finally take notice and make some changes.

But I can tell y'all what...

This bitch right here isn't unloading reset trucks anymore. I'm going to be up at the front asking if you want the receipt with you or in the bag and waiting for the next person to make the "it didn't scan, so it must be free" joke.

Now that my head's clear, it's time to jump back into my life. 

Missed you guys. Let's talk about something more fun next time. How about periods? ;p

​~Roxy