I was an only child, but I never really spent time alone. Sure, I spent time in my room, or played by myself, but there was always an adult nearby. Always someone else in the house. 

When I went away to college, I had a roommate. And when I moved from the dorms, it was to share a space with the man that would eventually be my husband. So while I've always entertained myself, I've never had time or space that I didn't share in one way or another. And it's always amusing to me to me that people think I must have been lonely being an only child.

In reality, I fought for alone time. I would hide at the library, lock my bedroom door, and now as an adult, I cherish those rare moments where my house is empty. But even then, I have a cat and a dog that don't do well unless they are under someone's foot. Namely mine.

The reason I'm telling you this is I am playing taxi driver for a family member today, and I am sitting, writing this in a Starbucks with absolutely nowhere to go, and no one to answer to for seven whole hours. I had made plans to meet with a friend, but they fell through. I'm super bummed about not seeing an awesome chick I really want to connect with more often, but I'm also just a little giddy with the prospect of not even having an animal water bowl to fill for the better part of a day. 

I didn't think about it, but when I sat down, I felt my shoulders release. I could breathe a little easier when I realized I don't have any laundry or dishes to do. It would be a real feat if I could get those chores done while I'm across state lines. The only downside is the persistent Christmas music playing over the speakers. Thank goodness for over the ear headphones.

I've been working through some mental garbage lately, and everyone's emotions crashing against my own has been incredibly draining. Which is exactly why I've started hoarding my alone time. 

I'm planning on doing at least a little of all the things I don't get to do on a daily basis at home. I'm going to read for pleasure. 

I get to write. I get to put aside the timers and the rush of NaNoWriMo and luxuriate in the words that are trying to bubble to the surface. Who knows, maybe I'll even finish a book today. Maybe I'll start a new one, but the idea of writing and not having a single soul knock on the door or "check on me" is intoxicating. 

Going from always having people around to flourishing during alone time isn't easy. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, or checking on the people around me. I'm not used to the responsibilities being only for me. I'm not used to pursuing something for the sake of pleasure and allowing another person to take charge, but as I sip the now cooling coffee in my festive holiday cup, I can feel the warmth flood my whole body. 

Getting to be alone is a luxury for me. I plan to do everything but take a nap. Because they might frown on that at a coffee shop.

Do you enjoy spending time alone? What would you do with an entire day to yourself? Give me some ideas, because I just might have to do this again.

​~Roxy

I'm not going to lie. I am exhausted right now. Know why? I've been around people a LOT lately.

Yes, they are people I love, and I'm adoring the memories we've had and the experiences we've been able to spend time together. But it has completely drained me. Mainly because I'm so used to getting down time. My immediate family all has their own interests and we come together to get food, and...okay, we basically know we have to come together to eat and the rest of the time we enjoy our own interests.

Even my hubby is exhausting if he doesn't have a project to do.

Are you an introvert too? Not sure? Here are 5 ways to tell you might be an introvert too.

1. Your dreams include visions of epic blanket forts of solitude. 

2. You stash snacks and drinks around the house so you don't have to venture from your empty room to find sustenance. This also applies for putting energy bars in your purse to prevent speaking with people to order food while out running errands.

3. You find yourself physically exhausted. Finding a comfy chair and using your sweater as a pillow even in a crowded room starts to sound like a damn fine idea. 

4. The cleaning of your baseboards suddenly takes on the utmost importance, and you simply have to leave. "I'm sorry. I can't go out to dinner. I can see dirt if I squint really hard and crawl across the floor." Because even cleaning is better than peopleing sometimes.

5. You are hyper aware of the most out of the way bathroom available. Because you know if you go to the bathroom you can feign stomach issues and play a game on your phone alone for a good ten minutes to catch your breath. 

Back when I had VERY different ideas about what I wanted to do with my life, I took a personality test for my management style. I can't remember exactly what my results were, but I'll never forget the report had a line that said, "She believes she does her job better than anyone else could, and sees no reason to change her methods, because hers are the correct ones." Or something to that effect. 

Basically my personality test called me a know-it-all. I was in my early twenties, a General Manager of small retail store, with low employee turnover, and high growth for the sales. I was a cocky SOB. In my opinion, rightly so, but it didn't leave a lot of room for learning, or change.

Now...fast forward fifteen years, and not only has my attitude changed, so have my priorities. So when I stumbled across this free PERSONALITY TEST, I was intrigued. 

I took it, and although it's not a full in-depth Meyer's Briggs personality test, this one is free instead of the $50 you pay for the real deal. Today, my personality type is listed as a Mediator (INFP-T). Although to be fair, my N and F were damn near a 50/50 split, so I take the middle initials with a grain of salt. It also said I was a Diplomat in search of Constant Improvement. 

The things that stood out in the results for me was "Mediators often wish that they could just be, doing what they love without the stress and rigor of professional life." If I'd nodded my head any harder at that, I would have resembled a bobble head version of myself. 

​The other thing that had me snorting was "Seemingly every Mediators' dream growing up is to become an author." Damn. And here I thought I was special. 

Why am I bringing this up today? Well, it's because the person I am today, who is working toward finding inner peace and balance, is a far far cry from the young adult me who wanted to take on the world because life was some sort of video game mission I had to beat on nightmare mode.

With all the self-help books and reflection I've been doing recently, I've realized I never stopped to figure out what I wanted to do as an adult. I figured out what I was supposed to do, and then went about trying to get the best grade, highest score, and top recognition. And no matter how high I climbed, I wasn't happy. Because it wasn't my goal I was chasing. 

These personality tests make you take a hard look at yourself, and realize you need to find the best place for you to hang your hat. And sometimes it's a very different place than you thought you'd want to be when you were younger. Time with my family, friends, and (as a severe introvert) time alone are what I want to cultivate. I want what I do to mean something, and I think that's why I started writing in the first place. 

I fell in love with authors who make me smile with their books. I love authors who keep me giggling. I'm currently listening to Beast Behaving Badly by Shelly Laurentson as I work my way back through her catalogue for a re-read. Why? Because I needed to laugh, and I know these books are ones I'll giggle snort my way through and will always brighten my day. 

I'd love to hear about it in the comments below. Especially if you've noticed your personality type has changed over time. 

Or if you have any advice for this former know-it-all turned mediator tell me that too. And for those of you who know me, do you think this test is a bunch of baloney?

Until I hear otherwise, this mediator is off to enjoy her introverted lifestyle.

​~Roxy

I'm an introvert. I'm that type of person that has the best day when I get to spend it in my house lost in a book, eating leftovers and catching up on a Netflix binge-watch.

The biggest hurdle I have in my life is small talk. I'm not bad at it, because after all this time working in retail, I've had to fake enjoy conversations with lots of different people. It's amazing the things folks will tell an absolute stranger. Right before they hand them sweaty money from their bra. 

Despite being skilled at small talk, it drains me like nothing else. So I thought I'd share my top 5 tips for avoiding the dreaded meaningless conversations. 

1. Earbuds 
    If you can manage to procure some brightly colored earbuds, these can save your sanity on days when you legit can't handle talking to one more person. I don't even have to have music or a book going, I sometimes just pop the earbuds in to avoid the chit chat. Although I have had people wave me down and force me to pause my audio book to have pointless convos with me. So this isn't 100% effective, especially in smaller towns.

2. Dark or Mirrored Sunglasses
    Eye contact encourages extroverts to move in and start chatting. Not to mention you know the fear of making eye contact with those lotion people in the mall kiosks who will move in on you like you have the last twinkie during the apocalypse. So I have mirrored shades I wear whenever possible. This is especially effective when used in combo with the earbuds. I can fake like I didn't see the sales person with the best of them.

3. Your phone is your best friend.  
     Have extra chargers available, to ensure this is always an option. I keep two in my purse at all times. If you need an out, text a friend to call you. If you just need to keep yourself busy to avoid the dreaded eye contact vultures, play a game or check social media. 

But what happens when it's an event? What happens when you have to...gulp...mingle?

​4. Ask detailed questions pertinent to the conversation. 
    The reason small talk sucks is because it's pointless. Yes. We all know it's raining. Thanks. So one of the best things you can do when you're forced to socialize is ask questions. Are you at a work convention? Don't just ask what position the person you're sitting next to has. Ask them what their opinion is on a new technique in the field. Ask them how they handle customers with a specific issue that you've been grappling with.

And when you are asked questions, respond with details. No, I'm not saying take over the conversation. But instead of just saying you're enjoying the conference, say, "I'm having a great time. I caught the panel on legal issues with fiction writing and found the information incredibly helpful. What panels have you attended?"

5. Take a breath and remind yourself it's going to be okay.
    If you're like me, sometimes you need to give yourself a mental slap upside the head when your anxious inner monologue starts going off on a tangent. You didn't always know everyone you're now friends with. There are people in your life you once had to embrace with chit chat. This person who comments that it's hot outside, could be your new colleague, or a potential book club buddy just waiting to be met. So take a breath, smile, and steer the conversation toward some better topics. You can do this. At least for a couple hours, then you can pretend you're not feeling well and run to your room where you can hop on your laptop and escape.


I'm not the greatest conversationalist, but I get by because I have to. What tips do you use to avoid small talk? I'm always looking for some new techniques. 

~Roxy