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A chat about Expectations

2/20/2019

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I wanted to try something a little different here. I've been listening to podcasts for a while, and although I might not be ready to pull the trigger on that just yet, I thought I'd test out an audio chat with you guys.

Let me know what you think!

In the short chat below I discuss expectations in Romance. Turns out I have some hard and fast rules regarding expectations, and when I read books labeled romance, they better have a few things involved in the Happily Ever After.

From focus on the romantic relationship to consent, I chat about what I expect when I pick up a book. (TW: I do discuss rape, but only on a surface level.)

Tell me what you look for in Romancelandia. Do you agree with me? Or do you think I'm dead wrong? I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy
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Thought Ladder

10/8/2018

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I've seen a few different meanings for the term "Thought Ladder" and a few different applications for it. 

One option is illustrated very well in this Ted-Ed video below. Our thoughts run through a variety of steps to make it to our final conclusions and resulting actions. And only the first little bit of it is raw data. We filter and infer most of what we view through our lens of experiences.

Under this option, we can understand how this process works and attempt to cut off the ladder before we hit the escalating conclusions and actions that are very rarely based on facts.

Using a thought ladder like this, is beneficial in cutting off your brain's skilled ability to jump to conclusions. 
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But the reason the term "Thought Ladder" showed up on my radar is my current favorite podcast Unf*ck Your Brain. I am almost at the end of my binge listen, and now I'm going to have to wait for the weekly installments like everyone else. (Insert sad emoji here)

One of the things Kara was talking about was using a thought ladder to change your way of thinking. Her whole philosophy is about changing your thoughts to change your life.

But changing your thoughts is easier said than done. So she talks about taking baby steps. Up a ladder. Hence the term.

I believe this was the episode where she was also talking about affirmations. She chatted about a lot of ways to turn your affirmations into things you can actually convince your brain is true. 

For example, if you're thinking... "I'm never going to get promoted. I'm always going to be struggling financially." Telling yourself "I'm wealthy and money is already in my bank account." isn't going to work, because your brain is automatically going to say, "But that's not true!"

So instead of starting with a negative, Kara suggests starting with a neutral and moving forward. Below is a random example of how you could apply the idea of starting with a negative thought and moving it to a neutral factual statement. 

EXAMPLE

8. I can't wait until the next job opens up and they have the opportunity to promote me.
7. I am qualified for the next step in my career.
6. This company is lucky to have me.
5. I'm good at what I do.
4. I'm a necessary member of my team.
3. I've lowered costs and helped the company free up capital to invest back in the business.
2. I'm always on time, and am productive when I'm at my job.
1. I'm never going to get promoted.



Now...could you jump from the first thought directly to the last? Nope. But from #1 to #2 or even #3 and #4 could be possible. 

I found an app called Think Ladder that I'm going to test out over the next couple of days and I'll let you guys know if it helped make this process any easier. But I thought it was a great way to start turning negative self-talk into positive and in an actionable way. 

I've had a rough week, and whenever I fall off the wagon, the negative thoughts tend to wiggle their way back in. In listening to the Unf*ck Your Brain Podcast, I've noticed Kara always talks about this type of self-improvement as "Work". And yeah. That's exactly what it is. Sometimes we have a bit more work ahead of ourselves than others. 

So I'm starting off today by making my own thought ladder with anything negative that comes up. I may only be able to move up one or two steps from where I start, but it's waaaay better than wallowing at the bottom. 

Have you used either of these techniques to change your thoughts? Any tips for someone trying it out for the first time? Or did you have a different definition of "Thought Ladder" that you're used to using? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy
(AKA, Woman starting on Rung 2)

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Self-Like List? #UFYBconfidencechallenge

9/16/2018

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I told you I've been listening to some new podcasts, and one of them is by Kara Loewentheil, and she had on her social media a 5 day challenge.

Since I'm always looking for new podcasts to make household chores more tolerable, I jumped on her "Unf*ck Your Brain" podcast with gusto. And you actually do have to leave the "u" out of Fuck to find it on the podcast lists. But don't worry, she doesn't sensor herself during the actual show. 

Anyway, since the all seeing eye of Facebook noticed my searches, I started getting her ads for a free 5-day challenge. So I thought I'd play along with you guys. 

If it gets super personal and deep I might back out of sharing everything, but for a free 5-day challenge, I think we'll have some fun with it.

You do need to sign up yourself to get access to a free workbook and FB group, but for our purposes...let's get started!

First of all...this woman's demeanor speaks to me on such a personal level. Her humor, her strength, and her attitude...damn. I want to hang out with this woman over a shot of tequila.

Back to the challenge. 

The first task is to write down ten things I like about myself. I have to be honest. If I'd been asked to do this ahead of a few other classes I've taken and books I've read, this would have been super deep and difficult. So if it's hard for you, don't worry. You'll get there.

Self-Like List

1. I'm super productive in the morning.

2. I'm a kickass NaNoWriMo cheerleader. (Make sure you buddy up with me if you haven't yet!)

3. I can do a mad good writing sprint.

4. I'm a great critique partner. As long as my buddy can handle honesty with a bit of snark.

5. I have killer hair. Thanks, Joico color!

6. I'm a great planner.

7. I'm a diligent task manager, and I delegate like it's my job.

8. I'm great at my Evil Day Job. People come in and ask for me specifically.

9. I can find the hidden gems in any GoodWill or thrift store. Seriously. I'm like a lucky charm.

10. I'm an excellent brainstorming partner. Although my ideas aren't always million-dollar ones, I've got plenty more ideas ready to come up to bat.


What about you? Can you rattle off 10 things you like about you? If you can't, I'd suggest asking a friend. You're probably a lot more awesome than you realize. I'm ready for the next day's challenge. See you all tomorrow!


~Roxy

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Top 5 August Author Favorites

8/8/2018

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I thought I'd share some of the things I've been loving the most in my writing life right now. These are my Top 5 August Favorites. I would provide links to the items, but unfortunately, most aren't linkable. :( But I promise to drop in links to anything you can find online. 

Without further fanfare, here are my Top 5 Author Favorites for August.
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1. My Morning Pages Notebook and Cynthia Rowley Pen.

If you follow me anywhere on social media, you've probably seen this notebook. I'm pretty obsessed with it. I found this gold foil hard cover notebook with gilded pages at Burlington Coat Factory for $5. The paper quality is amazing, and it lays flat. 

I can't write in a notebook that doesn't lay flat. It drives this lefty nuts.

The pen is one of my favorites. The Cynthia Rowley Pens I buy from Staples, write smooth, don't skip, and feel great in my hand. I'm a heavy handed writer so, ball points always work better for me than felt tip.

​I use this combo every morning, and I love it more and more each day.
2. My 18oz Pfaltzgraff Coffee Mug from Dollar Tree

I was did find this for sale on Amazon but they were charging $14 for the thing. Um...no. I bought this bad boy for a buck, and a few of it's friends. The rim of the mug isn't too thick, and the handle is big enough to not burn the crap out of my hand when I hold my preferred scalding hot temp coffee.

It's also dishwasher and microwave safe, which is incredibly important since I get distracted and always have to reheat my coffee. The handle doesn't even get hot after I boil the coffee in the microwave.

The designs on both versions I picked up still look perfect after dozens of washes. 
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3. Happy Notes by Happy Planner

I have been making my own notebooks with Happy Planner accessories for a few months now. I love these notebooks for brainstorming, webinar note taking, project planning, and I have one I'm revamping to move a book bible into it. 

I found out Joanne Fabrics was getting in a line of "Happy Notes", which were basically what I had been piecing together, but with mini discs and cuter (exclusive) paper and dividers. (These aren't online anywhere I can find. You actually have to leave the house to buy them.)

The store called to me, and I checked it out. I WANT THEM ALL. But I stuck with the big size, because for me it makes the most sense. You can punch regular computer paper and insert it without cutting it down into the big size. I had a 40% off coupon, and snagged this baby for $8. 

I'm already using it as a brainstorm planner, because of the dot grid paper. My IRWA buddies will see this sucker in action on Saturday at our meeting. 
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4. Post-It or Sticky Notes

I have amassed far too many sticky notes to admit the actual quantity of them, but let's just say, I don't need to buy any more to feed my current addiction.

Since I got my office set up, I have had my very first book cover front and center over my desk. What started out as a joke, has quickly turned into my favorite part of my planning process. 

I'm horrible at remembering ideas without writing them down. And those damn ideas come at the worst possible times. So now, I just get one of the 5 or 6 pads of sticky notes on my desk and slap the idea in front of my face. That way when my mind drifts and my eyes stray from my computer, they have other things to look at and my brain can mull the random thoughts over. Anytime I accomplish something or add the idea as an actionable item in my planner I pluck the note from my picture frame and toss it. This has been working really well to pull back my wandering mind.

5. PrintRun Podcast

This is a podcast I've mentioned before, but I have become absolutely obsessed with it lately.

I am a full value patreon supporter of the show, because I find insane value in listening to these two agents pick apart the queries and first pages of manuscripts from the brave souls who send them in.

The duo who run the podcast talk about everything from publishing news, drama, and social media phenomenon. They also answer submitted questions, and are just plain entertaining.

I knew this had to be on my Top 5 because I was legit STALKING their Twitter to see when yesterday's episode was live. I'm officially obsessed. If you write, are in the publishing industry, or are a reviewer who is tuned into the culture, you'll enjoy this.
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Those are my Top 5 August Author Favorites. What are you loving this month? I'd love to hear about it. 

​~Roxy
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Binge-Worthy Podcasts for Writers

7/6/2018

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If there is one thing we have in abundance as authors, it's advice. We get it from our editors, our peers, and even our grandparents who want to know how our little hobby is going.

I'll get a real job when I'm damn well ready, Nanna!

Ahem.

But what I think we need more of in the sea of webinars and blog posts are people who we enjoy listening to. People who inspire us, and someone we can start at the beginning of their podcast and let it run in our ear holes while we dig to the bottom of our sink filled with dishes after the 4th of July. Surely someone else out there still has their decorations up, and firework carcasses strewn about their lawn beside me.

When I'm doing my chores I do one of two things, I listen to audio books, or I binge podcasts. I thought I'd share two of the podcasts I'm currently obsessed with.

Print Run is a podcast for the traditional publishing set. And although I'm not in that camp, I do thoroughly enjoy the hosts, Erik and Laura. 

They chat about current events, publishing trends, and give their opinions as agents on different manuscript first pages and queries if you're a member of their Patreon. You can listen to their base content for free, and I highly recommend that, but I found value in their query critiques especially, and am currently paying for their extra content.

This podcast reminds me of my local RWA group getting together and shooting the shit over margaritas. Although I don't think Erik and Laura are drinking during their podcast. But hey...you never know. All I'm saying is you get access to a fun convo between obvious friends with a love of books and the author/publishing community. And sometimes there's a gong.
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Print Run Podcast
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Write Now with Sarah Werner
The Write Now Podcast is one I've been listening to for quite some time, and although her feed has become more interviews and less one-on-one, I'm still holding out hope she'll come back and chat with us by herself some more.

Sarah has one of those voices that just wraps around you like a warm hug. And although her shows go back for years, I'd argue that much of her advice has survived the test of time. 

This channel is more motivation, and less technical chat. When you're down and feeling like you suck with the highest level of suckage that has ever been achieved by a writer, I'd recommend you pull up some of Sarah's episodes. 

This podcast also follows Sarah's journey as a creator, and I've thoroughly enjoyed seeing her try new methods, and create in new mediums. Her joy is infectious. (Sarah also has Patreon)

​Do you listen to podcasts? Any favorites on writing, reading, or self-help that I need to check out? Send them my way. I'd love to have something else to binge while I fold laundry. 

~Roxy
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