I wanted to try something a little different here. I've been listening to podcasts for a while, and although I might not be ready to pull the trigger on that just yet, I thought I'd test out an audio chat with you guys.

Let me know what you think!

In the short chat below I discuss expectations in Romance. Turns out I have some hard and fast rules regarding expectations, and when I read books labeled romance, they better have a few things involved in the Happily Ever After.

From focus on the romantic relationship to consent, I chat about what I expect when I pick up a book. (TW: I do discuss rape, but only on a surface level.)

Tell me what you look for in Romancelandia. Do you agree with me? Or do you think I'm dead wrong? I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

I've seen a few different meanings for the term "Thought Ladder" and a few different applications for it. 

One option is illustrated very well in this Ted-Ed video below. Our thoughts run through a variety of steps to make it to our final conclusions and resulting actions. And only the first little bit of it is raw data. We filter and infer most of what we view through our lens of experiences.

Under this option, we can understand how this process works and attempt to cut off the ladder before we hit the escalating conclusions and actions that are very rarely based on facts.

Using a thought ladder like this, is beneficial in cutting off your brain's skilled ability to jump to conclusions. 

But the reason the term "Thought Ladder" showed up on my radar is my current favorite podcast Unf*ck Your Brain. I am almost at the end of my binge listen, and now I'm going to have to wait for the weekly installments like everyone else. (Insert sad emoji here)

One of the things Kara was talking about was using a thought ladder to change your way of thinking. Her whole philosophy is about changing your thoughts to change your life.

But changing your thoughts is easier said than done. So she talks about taking baby steps. Up a ladder. Hence the term.

I believe this was the episode where she was also talking about affirmations. She chatted about a lot of ways to turn your affirmations into things you can actually convince your brain is true. 

For example, if you're thinking... "I'm never going to get promoted. I'm always going to be struggling financially." Telling yourself "I'm wealthy and money is already in my bank account." isn't going to work, because your brain is automatically going to say, "But that's not true!"

So instead of starting with a negative, Kara suggests starting with a neutral and moving forward. Below is a random example of how you could apply the idea of starting with a negative thought and moving it to a neutral factual statement. 

EXAMPLE

8. I can't wait until the next job opens up and they have the opportunity to promote me.
7. I am qualified for the next step in my career.
6. This company is lucky to have me.
5. I'm good at what I do.
4. I'm a necessary member of my team.
3. I've lowered costs and helped the company free up capital to invest back in the business.
2. I'm always on time, and am productive when I'm at my job.
1. I'm never going to get promoted.



Now...could you jump from the first thought directly to the last? Nope. But from #1 to #2 or even #3 and #4 could be possible. 

I found an app called Think Ladder that I'm going to test out over the next couple of days and I'll let you guys know if it helped make this process any easier. But I thought it was a great way to start turning negative self-talk into positive and in an actionable way. 

I've had a rough week, and whenever I fall off the wagon, the negative thoughts tend to wiggle their way back in. In listening to the Unf*ck Your Brain Podcast, I've noticed Kara always talks about this type of self-improvement as "Work". And yeah. That's exactly what it is. Sometimes we have a bit more work ahead of ourselves than others. 

So I'm starting off today by making my own thought ladder with anything negative that comes up. I may only be able to move up one or two steps from where I start, but it's waaaay better than wallowing at the bottom. 

Have you used either of these techniques to change your thoughts? Any tips for someone trying it out for the first time? Or did you have a different definition of "Thought Ladder" that you're used to using? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy
(AKA, Woman starting on Rung 2)

I told you I've been listening to some new podcasts, and one of them is by Kara Loewentheil, and she had on her social media a 5 day challenge.

Since I'm always looking for new podcasts to make household chores more tolerable, I jumped on her "Unf*ck Your Brain" podcast with gusto. And you actually do have to leave the "u" out of Fuck to find it on the podcast lists. But don't worry, she doesn't sensor herself during the actual show. 

Anyway, since the all seeing eye of Facebook noticed my searches, I started getting her ads for a free 5-day challenge. So I thought I'd play along with you guys. 

If it gets super personal and deep I might back out of sharing everything, but for a free 5-day challenge, I think we'll have some fun with it.

You do need to sign up yourself to get access to a free workbook and FB group, but for our purposes...let's get started!

First of all...this woman's demeanor speaks to me on such a personal level. Her humor, her strength, and her attitude...damn. I want to hang out with this woman over a shot of tequila.

Back to the challenge. 

The first task is to write down ten things I like about myself. I have to be honest. If I'd been asked to do this ahead of a few other classes I've taken and books I've read, this would have been super deep and difficult. So if it's hard for you, don't worry. You'll get there.

Self-Like List

1. I'm super productive in the morning.

2. I'm a kickass NaNoWriMo cheerleader. (Make sure you buddy up with me if you haven't yet!)

3. I can do a mad good writing sprint.

4. I'm a great critique partner. As long as my buddy can handle honesty with a bit of snark.

5. I have killer hair. Thanks, Joico color!

6. I'm a great planner.

7. I'm a diligent task manager, and I delegate like it's my job.

8. I'm great at my Evil Day Job. People come in and ask for me specifically.

9. I can find the hidden gems in any GoodWill or thrift store. Seriously. I'm like a lucky charm.

10. I'm an excellent brainstorming partner. Although my ideas aren't always million-dollar ones, I've got plenty more ideas ready to come up to bat.


What about you? Can you rattle off 10 things you like about you? If you can't, I'd suggest asking a friend. You're probably a lot more awesome than you realize. I'm ready for the next day's challenge. See you all tomorrow!


~Roxy

I thought I'd share some of the things I've been loving the most in my writing life right now. These are my Top 5 August Favorites. I would provide links to the items, but unfortunately, most aren't linkable. :( But I promise to drop in links to anything you can find online. 

Without further fanfare, here are my Top 5 Author Favorites for August.

4. Post-It or Sticky Notes

I have amassed far too many sticky notes to admit the actual quantity of them, but let's just say, I don't need to buy any more to feed my current addiction.

Since I got my office set up, I have had my very first book cover front and center over my desk. What started out as a joke, has quickly turned into my favorite part of my planning process. 

I'm horrible at remembering ideas without writing them down. And those damn ideas come at the worst possible times. So now, I just get one of the 5 or 6 pads of sticky notes on my desk and slap the idea in front of my face. That way when my mind drifts and my eyes stray from my computer, they have other things to look at and my brain can mull the random thoughts over. Anytime I accomplish something or add the idea as an actionable item in my planner I pluck the note from my picture frame and toss it. This has been working really well to pull back my wandering mind.

Those are my Top 5 August Author Favorites. What are you loving this month? I'd love to hear about it. 

​~Roxy

If there is one thing we have in abundance as authors, it's advice. We get it from our editors, our peers, and even our grandparents who want to know how our little hobby is going.

I'll get a real job when I'm damn well ready, Nanna!

Ahem.

But what I think we need more of in the sea of webinars and blog posts are people who we enjoy listening to. People who inspire us, and someone we can start at the beginning of their podcast and let it run in our ear holes while we dig to the bottom of our sink filled with dishes after the 4th of July. Surely someone else out there still has their decorations up, and firework carcasses strewn about their lawn beside me.

When I'm doing my chores I do one of two things, I listen to audio books, or I binge podcasts. I thought I'd share two of the podcasts I'm currently obsessed with.