As a mom of three, there are many instances where I am not sure what day it is, or who I am supposed to have where for what. 2020 has been the year that I have been unable to make any plans. The only constant in this crazy year has been inconsistency.

And last week we found out our schools have to close down again. Bars and restaurants and churches get to stay open, but schools where they are actually enforcing mask mandates have to close. Cool story, dudes in charge who will never have to call off work to homeschool their kids...

Of course in the middle of this, we had an election result come through, along with learning new tech for schooling, and new procedures almost daily at work, and I decided I was going to write this month too.

Everyone laugh with me.

But I'm working on allowing myself a little grace. I've given myself permission to suck this year for NaNoWriMo. I'm giving myself permission to just shake shit loose and work on finding that spark of creativity that I have been trying to keep alive while my real life has been smothering it beneath work, homeschool, and attempting to have more than one clean spoon in the house.

I thought I would share a few things I have been doing to make myself write and toss all judgement about the end product out the window.

1. I am only re-reading enough to figure out where I am. I am not going back through and fiddling with all the shit that was written as I was dozing after a long day of errands and kids. If I think about it at the end of a writing session, I make a note about where I am and what's happening next. So I can just jump right in.

2. I am letting dialog tags be simple and basic. I have been horrible at dialog tags from the beginning. It's a weak spot for me, but I love writing dialog lines. It helps me see the characters when I can hear their voices. So if I don't have a good dialog tag, I'm just plopping down the name of who said what and moving on with my life. 

3. I am trying what has worked in the past. For me, what finally let me have a 3k day was sitting in a spot removed from the house (Normally this would have been going to Panera, but...Covid. So I was in my office.) and plugging in my earbuds. I still have a Pandora station. Yes. I'm old. But it is curated with songs that are upbeat and ones I know so well, the words fade for me. The music put me back into a place that my fingers remembered what they were supposed to do. Instead of 1k/1hr, I knocked out 1100 words in 30 minutes.  

Am I anywhere near the NaNoWriMo halfway point? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...no. Am I anywhere near the point I wanted to be at for my own 30k goal? Again...sadly...no. 

But I found a glimmer of why I love writing again. And even if I don't get anymore than 20k words this month, it will still be an accomplishment. Because...seriously...it's 2020.

Are you writing for NaNo this year? How are you doing? I'd love to hear about it!

~Roxy

I've realized I have a serious problem with digital clutter. I think it stems from the fact that digital pictures came about in my lifetime. I went from thinking disposable cameras were the shit as a teenager, to buying my first digital camera when I was pregnant with my son. 

The world has changed a lot in my lifetime, but what was perhaps hardest to wrap my head around was the limitations of digital storage. 

I have an account with dropbox where I dumped every single picture I ever took on my phone. I thought it was great! Never lose a picture or video again? Sounds awesome. Well...I apparently take a lot of pictures. I overloaded the site, and while I now pay for a storage fee, I have so much on there my computer nearly crashes trying to load it all. So I don't look at any of it.

I also maxed out my storage on Google with the pictures and files I loaded on there to put on my blog and various other events since I could no longer access my dropbox easily. 

Over the past couple days I spent no less than eight hours downloading and attempting to organize just my google drive onto an external hard drive. It was slow-going and infuriating. It also made me realize, that while I am getting pretty good about dumping physical clutter, I am having serious issue with getting rid of digital clutter. 

It feels like a sin to toss an adorable picture of my kid at an orchestra concert. Sure...it's a little out of focus, but look how cute they are!

Mom guilt mixes well with digital hoarder tendencies. (I went to try and find a YouTube video that matched up with this idea, but all I found were a bunch of 20 something chicks holding a baby and wiping their eyes in the thumbnail. We don't need that kind of downer.)

Digital clutter is also stopping me from getting started on a new book. My AH-MAZING husband was able to recover all of my files (we think) from a backup that I did before my Mac took a shit with the new update and deleted seven years worth of writing.

He got the files back, but all my "organization" is gone. So now I don't know which "final" copy is the final-final, because they aren't in order, and I was a moron and didn't delete anything. I have a lot of work in my future to recover some of these documents. But I think I am going to try and tackle some of this mess each month.

What am I doing? Here are my tips I'm keeping in mind for digital clutter clearing marathons.

1. Get a glass of wine ready. Or candy, or whatever you grab when you are stressed out and want a comfort or rage consumable. Have it at the standby for when you are ready to toss your computer. It gives you an excuse to walk away.

2. Pick a style of organization. Getting this set up in advance will help. I have folders I am sorting my type. I am going to have a personal section and a writing section. Because they were all intermingled and it needs to stop. I am using simple folders and right now I am using a single hard drive to migrate. I think I have it half filled, so I am going to grab another one with my birthday money. Being able to plug in a "writing" drive and not getting distracted by my adorable kids is essential.

3. Shut the door and plug in the earbuds. Something my kids are finally old enough to understand is a shut door. So when I need to get something done, I shut the door and everyone kind of gets it. I put on a podcast or an audiobook that doesn't require focus, and go.

4. Plan for longer than I think I'll need. I learned the hard way not to do any of this work around pet feeding time, because they will not be ignored. If I want to do an hour of work, I allow myself a two hour time slot. This gives me time for unplanned phone calls, kid emergencies, or the possibility that I'm on a roll and want to wrap something up.

5. Be brutal and hit delete. I looked at my inbox with over 10k emails (all of them over 4 months old) and knew I'd never be able to get through them. I hit delete. If I missed something, I missed it. Any offer or request would have been null and void at this point anyway. I feel a huge fucking relief. I'm also deleting pictures or projects that I don't need. I had requests and receipts from companies that don't exist anymore. 

6. Remember it's okay to not finish right now. I tend to be an all or nothing type of cleaner/organizer. I either have to get it all done, or what's the point? It's a mindset I have been working hard to change. Timers are a killer tool for me. I utilize 15 minute timers when cleaning or writing. But digital work is more of a long haul. Moving files and going through them takes more than a minute or two. 


Do you have any tips for getting the digital clutter gone? I feel like my digital clutter is in the same category as my student loans, and I will never be rid of either. If you're tackling your own digital clutter, I lift my glass of rage quit wine in solidarity. 

~Roxy

​MY TOP 3 WRITING TOOLS
 

1. My Word 365 App.

I spend a lot of time in my car. Far too much. So while I am dropping off kid A and on my way to pick up kid C, I have been jotting notes, or even just doing freewriting. My word 365 app saves across platforms, so I use my phone to get some quick ideas down. Yes...I can utilize voice to text. I'm being safe. 

It works for blog posts too. (Hint...if you're not reading along with me, you can check out that blog HERE.)

2. My Bluetooth Keyboard. 

There are times when I need the satisfying click beneath my fingers and the standard chiclet keys on my computer don’t satisfy. Something about touching my Bluetooth keyboard makes me feel like a writer, and makes me want to put in a few extra words, or even an extra hour writing. I use the Dot by Lofree. I got it forever ago during their kickstarter, and it's still one of the best things I've ever spent money on.

Best part is I can hook it up to my laptop, or even link it to my iPad for a little less bulk when writing on the go.

​3. My AlphaSmart3000. 

This is a tool I first learned about through NaNoWriMo forums. This is a cheap device that has absolutely no bells and whistles, and uses a USB-A cord to transfer my work onto whatever program is open on my computer. I can take this little gadget with me, and pound away on the tactile keys with no notifications or popups. It’s about getting ideas down. And that’s it. Hubby makes fun of me for this, but the lack of distractions works for me.
 


I’m working hard to simplify my life and knock out the things that don’t serve me to allow more time for what I love. And I love writing. I miss it, and I want to get back into the joy I had writing things down, not because I was going to sell what I was writing, but for the sole fact that I love expressing myself through words. And frankly I like the clicky keyboard noises, and excuse to drink coffee and make my editing face.

​What tools do you love using to up your writing game? I'd love to hear about them. 

~Roxy

​My planner game hasn’t been the strongest. In fact…I have been a "burnout" type of planner as of late. I go ham for a few months/weeks, where I am on my shit. I will know exactly where I need to be, will check my planner multiple times through the day and get my to do list done early. But then I start adding more and more to my list. Because I’ve been so productive, that I can do more, right? Wrong. That's when the lists get so long that I can’t possibly do it all. Which makes me sad. Which means I feel like (and often do) throw the whole planner game out the window.
 
Why am I mentioning this? Because it’s the start of a new year. It’s the start of a new month, and I am procrastinating about setting up my planner for February. I was going to get this blog up last week, so I could set up my new habit tracker that I’d been loving in January. I was going to be on task and loving what I did. As usual, I'm adding too much to my plate, and I need to knock that shit out.
 
I have decided to do mini goals for 2020 instead of one big one, or massive never-ending To Do lists. With my kids’ activities taking up more and more time, and random life events causing massive shifts in my day, I have no idea what next month, let alone the end of the year is going to look like.
 
So I am going to use monthly goals instead. And super small ones. Some things might turn into habits, and I may end up getting way more than three things done, but it's my thought that if I can accomplish three little things every day to push me toward the joy I want to achieve this year...then I'm moving in the right direction.
 
I’m using a mini Happy Planner to attempt to wrangle all the kid/family activities this year, and having a habit tracker gives me yet another reason to open my planner.
 
Along with working on finding my joy this year, I’m also trying to give myself a little grace. There are going to be days when I am on it, and getting shit done like a badass. Then there are going to be days where I’m not mentally or physically capable. So I am going for a top three, and the idea that some is better than none.
 
In January my top 3 items were Journal, Read, and, Water before Coffee. I didn’t do too bad. And I have a feeling some of these items are going to become habitual for me.
 
In February, I’m hoping to get back into some of the things I love. I’ve been digging back into my tarot collection, and want to start doing daily pulls for myself. I’ve already been journaling on my iPad as a morning page practice, but I’ve found myself truly enjoying making notes about my tarot spread for the day, and want to keep that up.
 
I also want to start writing fiction again. I am not putting pressure on myself other than needing to sit down and get words on the page. The creative muscles need some exercise, and I’m going to get back into it 200 words at a time. So my second daily goal, is 200 fiction words per day.
 
The third goal was one I have been going back and forth on, but I think it is going to be to develop a night time routine. My pets and crazy morning schedule don’t leave me much flex in my mornings. What I have a bit more control of is how I spend my nights. I want to develop and do an evening routine every night in February. Even laying out my clothes for the next day and prepping the coffee maker makes the morning feel so much less stressful. I still have to come up with said "routine" but I work well under pressure. So I should have something by the end of the night, right? LOL.
 
As far as the year goes, I have no idea where I’ll end up, but I’m going to try and take it one month at a time.
 
I love the idea of monthly goals instead of yearly ones. How do you set goals for yourself? Have you changed how you set yourself up for success?
 
I’d love to hear about it.
 
~Roxy

There are probably at least two or three other posts about this even on my own blog, but I wanted to take a minute to talk about the bad days. I have had quite a few and so have many other people around me lately. So I think it's worth discussing again.

I don't claim any knowledge about mental illness or great insight into physical ailments. I am for the most part, able bodied, and aside from the occasional slips, I am able to function in the real world with some mental stability.

But there was a time, where I binge-watched Netflix shows and didn't eat anything but instant ramen. I knew my husband was worried about me, but aside from getting into therapy, (which we couldn't afford), I had to ride it out. And I did. Because I've done the "ride it out" dance quite a few times over the years. 

When I got into planners, bullet journals, morning pages, and all the variations of those types of things, I found out that my way of coping worked best when I wrote down what I needed to do. 

This doesn't work for everyone, but making lists and crossing off the little wins throughout the day helped me put one foot in front of the other. 

If you are a planner addict, or list maker, like me...I wanted to share what I put on my list on the really bad days.

ROXY'S SELF-CARE TO DO LIST

1. Shower - There is something incredibly cathartic about washing yourself physically and watching the water run down the drain. I'm not a bath person. Soaking in my own funk is not for me. But if it's your happy place, do you. However you clean yourself...it's something I always put on my list when I realize I'm in a bad place. Because I usually need it by then.

2. Drink a full bottle of water - Being dehydrated is something I struggle with when I'm down. I resort to coffee and wine, and pretty much drink the first one until it's socially acceptable to drink the second. Drinking water is something I track when I need to, and in those rare moments I'm on a diet. A nutrition coach said you need to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. (200lbs = 100oz/day) So I try to hit that goal, but on a bad day...I'm happy with a full bottle.

3. Eat something green - Diet also tends to suffer on the bad days, because fast food is easy, and tasty. But when I miss veggies in too many meals, my body feels it. Don't know if that has to do with getting older, or just more in tune with my body...either way...eat your veggies, kids.

4. Take a nap - I have put this on my To Do list more than once. One of the kids has to be at the bus stop by 6:25 every morning. So my wake up calls are brutal. Naps not only give me permission to shut off my brain, but help me recoup some of the sleep I am always short on. And ducking under a fluffy comforter is better than therapy some days. 

Do you have a list of things that you do when you're having a really bad day? I'd love to hear them. I could always use items to add to my list. 

And if you're struggling because life can beat even the strongest person to the ground, please know that you're not alone. Please know that it's okay to huddle up and take care of yourself. And please know that you're worth taking care of.

​~Roxy

If I have learned anything about myself, it is that I am a self-help book ho. I love self-help books. 

There aren't a ton of brilliant break through moments in these tomes. Many self-help books talk about the same basic tenants. 

Some of the themes I see repeated...

1. Use affirmations to tell yourself exactly who you are about to become.

2. Think big, but start with small steps. Goals need baby steps, just like we did.

3. Start your day off right. Most of the time, by starting it off early.

Yeah. Early morning productivity is a big theme I see a lot in books. We all remember my Miracle Morning kick, right? If not, I'll spare you. I got injured and felt like absolute shit when I couldn't complete the umpteen million steps I had laid out for myself every day.

My miracle mornings had me feeling like I could take on the world...if I got them done. When I started missing the routine, I felt like absolute shit. I felt like a failure, and added into the other craziness that was going on in my life around the time I started missing my routine, it was one more issue that sent me spiraling. 

As a straight-A student for the vast majority of my life, failure is something I fear. Failure causes an eruption of emotions that should probably be addressed by a professional, but that would involve me admitting my own short-comings to a real person face-to-face, and I can't think of a more real vision of hell.

And after saying all that...my latest self-help read is about waking up early and doing morning routines. 

Now that you've all face-palmed at me, let me explain why. 

I thrive in the mornings. The house is quiet. I get one-on-one time with my pets. I get to listen to audiobooks or podcasts without someone constantly interrupting me (in a house with 5 people and 4 pets that's huge), and I get to drink my coffee all the way through without reheating it.

When I was writing regularly, my best words came before noon. After making lunch for everyone and scarfing down my own food in between the different meals for my pickyass family, I wasn't good for much more than mundane tasks.

In the new year I want to find the joy in my life again, and much of that joy came from writing, reading, and my animals. When did I get time for all that? Around 5am.

​Which is why I used some built up audible credits to download, Good Morning, Good Life.

I'm also following along with a book club through one of my favorite planner channels on YouTube, Cindy Guentert-Baldo. She is doing a lot of "plan with me" style videos for the new year, and while she and I are not of the same planning style, I like hearing her opinions, and she's a foul-mouthed momma that I relate to on a lot of levels. 

My thoughts on this book...

1. Buy or borrow in paper if you can.

This book has a few exercises at the end of the chapters that are a pain the butt to do if you have to keep rewinding to get the information down. In fact, I only completed the first prompt, because I was listening to this book while running errands, and stopping in the middle of the grocery store to write down deep meaningful journal entries just wasn't going to work for me. I'm probably going to re-read this or at least jump to the prompt pages when I have more time.

2. This is a kidless woman who works out of her home talking about how to make the most out of your mornings. 

To be fair, she acknowledges that she has it easier than a lot of people, but I know many folks will be grumpy by this fact, so giving you the heads up if you're thinking of purchasing. That being said, I don't disagree with her logic or her methods. There is always a way to fit in your dreams, but you have to make it a serious priority. I published my first book in a 1200 square foot house with no office, three kids, and two dogs underfoot. Everyone has their problems, and if we assign priority to something, we can do it. (Not talking about people with chronic health issues or people in crisis mode. You know when you're ready to do something about your dreams.)

3. I view this as Miracle Morning Lite

I saw a lot of the Miracle Morning mindset and techniques in this book. The difference? Amy doesn't expect you to do all of them every morning. She just suggests options and wants you to craft your own experience. 

4. A couple of items I plan on getting back to after reading this.

I'm going to start drinking water first thing in the morning again. Hydration is super important, and being that I'm recovering from the plague over here, it's extra vital. I'm also going to start journaling again. But I'm not ready to do anything too commitment heavy, so I'm journaling in the goodnotes app. One page. Big text. I'm also going to start reading more. But I have to admit that I'm not ready for romance yet. So I'm picking up alternatives. I'm getting into The Burial Society, by Nina Sadowsky, and I'm trying to read paper again to work on disconnecting from the internet. I learned I need to have a healthy distance sometimes, and it's important to have mental downtime.


The new year is always a time that I feel inspired to mix things up in my life. But rather than a radical shift this year, I'm going to start plucking bits from past years and make a new reality for myself. 

I started this morning sitting alone and writing this blog. The kids and hubby are all asleep. School and all the activities that come with it start back up tomorrow, so I'm taking today to enjoy the calm before the storm.

I'm off to do a quick journal entry, and then read a book to unplug. After a load of dishes, because I think they multiplied overnight. 

What are you going to do for yourself today?

~Roxy

The new year and new goals also lead lots of us to start re-evaluating our spaces. It's no wonder Marie Kondo's Netflix series is getting so much watch time.

Seeing people tackle large spaces and getting tips on how we can declutter and organize is like crack to me. Also, there might be that little bit of "at least I'm not THAT bad" pinging around in my head, making the decluttering and cleaning I have to do seem more possible.

I'm re-doing my #Roxys7DayChallenge for the next 7 days (You can follow along with me and keep me honest over on Instagram @RoxyMews). Being that I wrote the challenge, I know I have some cleaning coming up. So I've been snooping around YouTube for some inspiration. Especially no and low cost inspiration, because xmas kind of killed the budget.

This was one that gave me the happy organized vibe. And started me down the rabbit hole.

Do you get the urge to organize and update your spaces in the new year too? Or is this just a me thing? Do you have any favorite organization/cleaning videos you watch to get your moving? Or are you going to play along with my #Roxys7DayChallenge? Send me a link or tag me in a pic on Instagram if you're doing my schedule challenge along with me. I'd love an accountability buddy.

~Roxy