Let's start this little internet wormhole story at the beginning.

This morning I woke up and got my day started with meditation. I'm using Audible's 21 Days of Meditation by Aaptiv. Today was day eight, and the type of mediation involved opening and closing one nostril at a time.

Turns out my right nostil is an asshole that only sucks in a straw stirrer's worth of air at a time, and I spent my whole meditation time wondering if I was going to pass out or hyperventilate from lack of oxygen while snuffing through only that bastard nostril.

We finally get through the breathing torture and the girl, Jess, who is the voice of this whole thing starts to tell me through my earbuds that we have a dominant nostril. Well, it's pretty obvious that my left nostril is the bitch in charge. Then Jess tells me that our body rotates dominant nostrils through the day.

Wait...what? This can't be a thing. I'm thoroughly convinced this can't be a thing. This has to be some woo woo hippie crap. 

So what do we all do when we find out new information? I googled that shit.

After a few missed topic searches...

No, Google, I don't need to know how to use a Neti Pot to unclog my sinuses.

I found a topic on non-allergy non-illness related medical reasons I might not be able to fully utilize my right nostril. Of course this was a medical site, so I automatically have cancer. *sigh*

But alongside the polyps, and cancerous tumors, there was also the glory of deviated septums. 

Hubby actually had one of these, and surgery for it. I don't have this.

Back to google, I went until I found an article from a site called "Science Alert". (I'm not reading the whole article for you, but if you want to get actual sciencey facts, go HERE.)

Okay. Right up my alley. Now this site will tell me that Jess from the meditating woo woo world was wrong and my nose is reacting to something in my diet and I should cut out caffeine.  

Not that I'd ever do that, but I swear...every damn article I read tells me all my health problems are caused by coffee. But those same experts also said lettuce was good for me, and all the damn leafy greens are now recalled for salmonella. I'll keep my coffee until they decide it's healthy again. But nope. It's not coffee. This article AGREED with Jess! Not only that, but it said we go through a "Nasal Cycle" several times a day. 

What. The. Fuck.

How did I never learn about this in health class? Did I sleep through this part? Is this common knowledge?

Then the science folks dropped this one on me...

That's right, folks. Our noses get erections. Good gravy. Does everything have to act like a dick these days? Even my nose cavity is going through puberty?

Surely this isn't a thing. I would have noticed it by now.

So what does a woman of the world do? I tried the alternating breathing technique again. If this is really a thing, and we go through these cycles every day, my nose should be on a different cycle by now. (Now it sounds like my nose is menstruating. Great.)

Scientific worldly woman that I am, I did the same technique that was in my meditation. I was going to prove that my right nostril was a bastard and the low hole on the totem pole. 

I closed off the left nostril with my left thumb and inhaled.

My right side was totally open. It was performing like a champ. 

Huh. Maybe I was stuffed up this morning and didn't notice? I put my right thumb to my right nostril and inhaled.

AND MY LEFT SIDE WAS NOW THE WEAK LINK. I COULDN'T BREATHE.

​Guys...my mind was blown.

At this very moment...my left nasal cavity is all engorged. My nose is having erections. My brain is switching the dominant nostril and I'm really not sure how I didn't know something so basic about my body.

So if you ever see me out and about and I have my thumb against my nose, I'm not about to shoot a snot rocket. I'm just trying to see which side of my face is having a nose erection.

Did you know this was a thing? Am I the only clueless person out there who didn't know this was something our bodies did? Or do you have any wonderfully weird facts about our bodies that I need to know about. Obviously, someone needs to educate me.

~Roxy

Sooner or later everyone seems to have their sleep interrupted by our brains taking us on an extended trip to crazy town.

Last night my brain was working overtime, which meant I'm guzzling the coffee while my animals get the contented rest I completely missed out on last night.

You would think, with all the Halloween movies and spooky stuff around that my nightmares would be surrounding some kind of ghost or murder spree at a sleep-a-way camp. Nope. What kept waking me up last night was a nightmare about a Groundhog Day style airport loop. 

Okay. Okay. I get it. It doesn't sound like something that would keep a person up at night, but I promise, these types of nightmares are the ones that really drive me to miss sleep.

Do you ever feel like you're constantly behind? On track to get absolutely nothing done and failing those around you so incredibly that you wonder why you are allowed to label yourself an adult?

Then you know how it is when you've got so many balls in the air, your subconscious is just positive you're going to drop them all.

That's where my worst dreams come into play. It's always some high stress situation. Like a school day where I forget where I'm supposed to be. (I hated school. I was good at it, but I hated it.) Or if I'm trying to make dozens of important meetings.

Well, last night it was all about catching flights. The airport was my loop of hell. 

I was running late from leaving the rental home. This consisted of throwing things in a suitcase without any organization, and knowing we were seconds away from missing our flights. I threw things away without really looking at them because I needed to get everyone out the door and out before we got in trouble. 

I have had a few trips where I flat out left things in the trash I didn't have room for. I've abandoned shoes so I'd have room for books from a conference before. Priorities. 

Back to my dream. We were so far behind, even if we'd left something important, it was way better than missing the plane. We didn't have time to fold, or sort, or plan. 

We made it to the airport and then everyone wanted something different to eat and split off in different directions. I was chasing down other grown-ass people because it was my job to corral all of them. And I sucked at it. 

I was chasing everyone around and sure enough, I hear that the flight we need to be on is boarding.

With my heart racing, and knowing that all these slow m-fers are depending on me to get them where they need to be, I get everyone on a golf cart and start racing through the airport.

Because of course we have golf carts in the airports. There was a golf cart lane in my dream. Wouldn't that be awesome?

But just as we were pulling up, the plane was backing away from the gate. We'd missed the flight.

Welp...instead of dealing with the fallout or some kind of weird dream twist, the scene would just start over. And the pressure kept building. I knew in my dream that I'd failed before, and I'd fail again, but I had to keep trying and there was no escape. Think the endless cycles of dishes and laundry, but with consequences beyond odor.

I was late, and letting everyone down, and instead of coming up with a solution afterward, I just had to fail over and over and over again.

Then my cat woke me up by walking on top of me. I pushed kitty to the side, but hubby was snoring, and my heart was still racing from the seemingly endless stress from the dream loop. 

There was no falling back asleep. I didn't want the loop to start over again. 

​So here I am telling you about it on my blog, because I can still feel the stress hitting the back of my neck where there's just a little extra tension. I can feel my teeth are sore from grinding them together last night. And I can feel the fog, that waking up at 3am causes. 

I see a nap in my future, but I need to watch something to take my mind off of it. 

I've journaled, meditated, and zoned out to some kick-ass planner babe videos on YouTube already. 

What is your go-to destress technique? I'd love to hear it. Because if I try to nap and I'm back at that damn airport, I might just throw something across the room.

~Roxy

Did you notice I didn't blog yesterday? Well...it was all my hubby's fault.

Hubby had a late flight coming back home from a work trip. My normal wake up time is 5am. So my normal bed time is 10pm. Hubby's flight was scheduled to get in at 11:35pm.

​

Well, I'm a planner! I got this. I scheduled myself a nap and bought three energy drinks to help me keep going. I spaced them out to get the crash around 1am. That way I could have enough time to drive on the energy high. I packed an extra one with me just in case my body rebelled against the late bedtime.

Just as I had finished my second energy drink, I get the text no one wants when they are responsible for picking someone up from the airport.

"Flight is delayed."

New time was 12:30 am. Not great, but I could get through it. Getting home at 1am wasn't ideal, but it wasn't the worst. Then the airline moved gates. Twice. There were no updates, and no info from the airline, so I was refreshing the websites loaded on my computer and texting updates to hubby while he was stuck in Texas. Where, apparently, everything is bigger, including airports. Because he had to take trams to get to the different gates he kept bouncing between. 

Then about fifteen minutes before he was supposed to board, they moved the time again. New arrival? 3:36am!

At this point in the evening it is the time I have trained my body to go to bed. But I'm also two energy drinks and a nap in, so my ability to actually fall asleep is completely out the window. 

Hubby said there is now a reported hydraulic fluid leak, so the plain is grounded. Okay. Better to not get on that plane. I approve. 

But that they also have no pilots because the ones who were supposed to fly them home had their shifts end. Of course they did.

Hubby was now at the airport, with no flight, no plane, no pilots, and I'm still awake because I have no idea when or if he's coming home. 

Did I mention I have to be up by 9am at the latest the next day? Yup.

The airline promised updates every 15 minutes. But didn't end up giving a single one.

The latest update we found online, because the people at the airport had no clue what was going on, said new arrival was 2:30am. Okay. I knew I needed some sleep. The flight itself was two hours, so worst case scenario, hubby was going to call me and wake me up if they got on the plane earlier.

I have to admit, the next few hours were fuzzy. Looking back on the texts, hubby moved gates again, was told a few different times, and complained while I snagged 15-30 minute naps.

​Finally, he texted me that he was on a plane!

Then the plane had to refuel and sat on the runway for an hour AFTER they boarded.

In the end, I didn't get my hubby hug until 3:32am. And we didn't roll into the house until after 4am. 

So I spent all of yesterday OD'd on caffeine and feeling like shit. I had to run errands, I had to be dressed in real pants, and I did it all feeling drunk because I was so damn tired. 

Moral of this story time...don't ask me to stay up late and expect any level of productivity the next day. 

I'm apparently way too old for that all-nighter shit.

Bonus moral...don't fly American Airlines during shift change. LOL.

We ended up having a 4 hour delay. What was your longest delay? Did they make you sprint to different gates too? Or better yet, tell me what airline has never let you down? Who should hubby fly with next time?

~Roxy

After this morning and the hours I spent organizing my bills and apps for the new month a few days ago, I am over technology.

Like...if there was a tradeoff where I wouldn't have to enter a password or answer security questions ever again, but I had to submit to an anal probe once a month, I'd schedule the appointment today.

I now keep 4 pages of my Bullet Journal just for passwords and logins. BECAUSE YOU NEED A LOGIN AND PASSWORD FOR EVERYTHING. I have avoided some websites and store fronts because I don't want to deal with yet another damn password. My brain is too full.

For real, I have tried to come up with a password that meets all the expectations of all websites, but I think it would take a supercomputer to come up with such a beast, and even then, I'd never remember the fucking thing,

I'm going to sound real old here, but there was once a time where you could just have words as you password. You know...that thing that has "WORD" in it? "Password" used to be the most popular password. And I'd wager it wasn't because the people using it were stupid, but because folks like me are just so goddamn over remembering how to login.

I was riding the struggle bus for quite some time with remembering all my passwords, but I did get a bullet journal layout done and was happily able to find the information I needed to get into sites I wanted. 

Until...one day I get a notification. 

To keep your information secure, we recommend you update your password.

Don't let the "recommend" part fool you. They don't give you a choice. *old woman grumble*

Fucking fine. I'll change it. I get out my notebook and whiteout my old password and write in the password I plan to use. After that I turn back to my computer and type in my NEW password. 

But instead of taking me to where I need to go, I get a pop up...

Your password must contain capital letter, numbers, and at least one of the following characters.

I get my whiteout back out and cover up a password that never even got the chance to shine. But I remember I used to have a password that might have met these requirements, and since I'd used it before, I stood a slight chance of remembering it.

So over the second layer of whiteout I write in my new new password. 

Typing this brilliant and not completely obscure password into the box, I tell the computer to update my password.

So I'm done right? Oh, fuck no. Now the box says...

The password cannot be one you've used in the last five years.

I make up something I know I'm never going to remember with out getting out my notebook, but whatever. At this point I'm ready to be done with this task.

​After I disclose my blood type and answer ten security questions including what my hamster's favorite color in second grade was, the damn website decides it's still not good enough.

Now I need to verify the change by entering a code from a text message they'll send me.

A TEXT TO A PHONE NUMBER I NO LONGER HAVE!

Oh, but don't worry. I can change the phone number by entering a different code sent to an email. Which is sent to an also outdated email address. Thank goodness for my four pages of logins and passwords. But...plot twist...when I go to login into my old email...wait for it...

I HAVE TO UPDATE THE PASSWORD TO GET INTO MY EMAIL

So basically, what I'm saying is, I'm ready to sign whatever waiver they want. Give me a fingerprint scanner, give me a retina scanner, fuck...I'll bleed into a computer if it lets me not need passwords.

I gave up on getting my passwords updated for now. I need a break. I'm off to read a book. Maybe I'll read a historical. Something with NO COMPUTERS.

​~Roxy

Okay, so I am Jenna Marbles if she was older, poorer, and fatter, but I connect with this girl's spirit. This video cracked me up because it mirrored my own life so much. Here. Watch it.

I work in a pet store. Which in itself is a recipe to have a zoo at home without too much effort. Thankfully, I work at a store that encourages adoption over sales and doesn't sell pets. But we do occasionally have rescue groups come in with adoptable animals. We used to have kittens from a local shelter in store all the time. Let me tell you how hard it was.

My hubby is allergic to cats. Well, he says he was. But he used to have a cat in his house when he was a kid. So I figured he just needed some daily exposure. I was never the type of person to impulse adopt a pet. The only time that happened was when hubby and I found a bearded dragon that was so incredibly mistreated at a pet store that we bought her just to save her life. (But that's a whole other story time. Today is about kitties.)

One day a grey and white kitten came into the store, and I loved him. There were other cats that I fell for, because...well, shit...you try not to fall in love with kittens. It's impossible. But this guy had something special. And then some batshit crazy people with a ton of kids came in, banging on the cages, freaking out the animals, and pulling their tails. They turned in an application to adopt the baby. My baby kitty was NOT going to that house.

So I told hubby about it. He said no. I told hubby about the people. He said that sucks, and no. I told hubby that I would buy dander reducing spray, be the one to clean the litterboxes for all time, and do all the grooming. He said no. 

Then I purposely left something I knew I'd need for work at home, and called hubby to bring it to me. When he did, I put this tiny grey and white fluffball in his arms, and demanded he acknowledge how cute the cat was. The tiny kitten who was a bit of a wildman settled into hubby's arms like he belonged there, reached his paw up to hubby's face and meowed the tiniest cutest meow that had ever been mewed by a kitten. 

A few days later, we had a kitten in the house.

Jenna's video reminded me of those first few days, because we also had two dogs, who had NEVER seen a cat before. We did all the tricks to adjust them. Scent sharing, space swapping, meeting on neutral ground, we did it all. We even got homeopathic doggy downers. Within 4 days we had a settled family who was playing together. My cat has a lot of dog qualities since he grew up with them, and my younger dog sleeps in the sun and cleans her face with her paws. So they blend well. 

Hubby takes an allergy pill once a day, and we have to wash the bedding the cat likes to snuggle on more often, but every once in a while hubby sends me pictures of our kitty curled up on his lap, and I don't know that I've ever seen him smile so big. 

As I'm typing this out, my now three year old cat is cuddled up on an ottoman next to my desk. It's pretty damn wonderful.

I've always been the type of person who says people come into your life for a reason. Either you need them, or they need you. But there is always an undeniable connection that makes me pay attention. Animals are the same way. Your family, furry and four-legged, or human and huggable, finds you. 

The two furbabies below, definitely chose me. Thankfully, they chose each other too. 

Do you have animals that chose you to be their human? Tell me their story or send me their pictures! I'd love to see some cute puppies, kittens, or reptiles you've claimed as your family.

​~Roxy

Animals have always been a big part of my life. To the point where when I was a kid, I didn't have imaginary friends...I had imaginary pets. And eventually I accumulated so many I had an imaginary zoo to contain them all. 

So when I got to the point where I could care for my own animals, I had them in my life from that point on. 

Not only do they give you the purest love that you can receive in life, they are damn entertaining. Below is my dog, Vernie. Her full name is Laverne, and we adopted her from a hoarding rescue as an adult. She already knew her name and we couldn't bear to change it. She's a timid little girl, and due to her time with her previous owner, she is not terribly fond of men in general.

She's a haired breed so we spend lots of time at the dogwash keeping her clean. She hates getting washed, but loves prancing around the pet store afterward. I still giggle when I wash her down and she shrinks to her real size under all her fluffy hair. While she plays on occasion, Vernie is around 14 years old now, so her main goal of the day, is being in a bed nearby. So for that reason, we now have to have a dog bed in every room. Otherwise she paces back and forth until a bed is available in whatever room I'm in. She's my girl. Tell me how cute she is. LOL. 

There has been lots of crazy sad and scary stuff in everyday life lately. And nothing makes me smile more than my pets. Spam me with pictures of your furbabies. Tell me what they do that make you shake your head, or giggle snort in amusement.

In case you couldn't tell, I totally used this blog to just spam pictures of my adorable pets. ;)


~Roxy