Their names were Ellora's Cave and Samhain Publishing. I read many many books published by these companies and I adored the authors who wrote for them.
Then one day I wrote a book. I promptly threw that book in the trash because that's where garbage belongs, but then I wrote more books, until I wrote one that I was willing to show people. This book was the start of a trilogy. Because I grew up in the 90's and I loved PNR trilogies. L.J. Smith was my girl. #teamdamon
I wanted to be a writer, so when a writer I admired agreed to read my book, I sent it off. Then she gave me a chance to send it to her editor. Her editor at...SAMHAIN PUBLISHING.
Oh, man. I loved that company. I loved their marketing. I loved shopping their website.
They published my book.
This October will be my 5th year as an author because Samhain Publishing published my book. Yup. That book, right up there with the kickass model staring you down.
But now...Samhain is closed and the book is just a file on my computer.
And the fact that the book that made me a published author, that is the theme of my website, that earned me PAN status in RWA, is stuck on my computer...well it just plain sucks.
I've been working toward doing things that make me nervous. I've self-published a few of my titles that I thought might be too outside the box to find homes with other publishing houses. I've been working hard on a secret project. (No I'm not telling you about it. It's secret because I'm still in the fucking it all up phase.) And I've been getting more involved with my local Romance Writers of America chapter. Which is big for me, because I have to put on real pants and leave the house. You're super impressed, right?
The thing I haven't done that scares me the most, is re-read this first book.
If you've never written a book before, let me let you in on a secret. You improve your craft with each book. You get a little better at story telling. You remember to turn on track changes for your poor editor. (Still sorry about that, Lisa!)
All this means, I'm scared I'm not going to have the same love for my first baby. I'm scared I'm going to hate the book that made me an author.
But I've learned a lot about myself in these past couple of years. And I've learned how knowing where you stand is the first step in moving forward. I adore my Hart Clan Hybrids. I've even refused to take them off this website because I love them so much. I think it's time Amber made her way back into the world.
I've been reading books by my favorite authors. I think it's time to re-read my own.
What are you doing today that scares you?