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Learning to love being alone

12/2/2018

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I was an only child, but I never really spent time alone. Sure, I spent time in my room, or played by myself, but there was always an adult nearby. Always someone else in the house. 

When I went away to college, I had a roommate. And when I moved from the dorms, it was to share a space with the man that would eventually be my husband. So while I've always entertained myself, I've never had time or space that I didn't share in one way or another. And it's always amusing to me to me that people think I must have been lonely being an only child.

In reality, I fought for alone time. I would hide at the library, lock my bedroom door, and now as an adult, I cherish those rare moments where my house is empty. But even then, I have a cat and a dog that don't do well unless they are under someone's foot. Namely mine.

The reason I'm telling you this is I am playing taxi driver for a family member today, and I am sitting, writing this in a Starbucks with absolutely nowhere to go, and no one to answer to for seven whole hours. I had made plans to meet with a friend, but they fell through. I'm super bummed about not seeing an awesome chick I really want to connect with more often, but I'm also just a little giddy with the prospect of not even having an animal water bowl to fill for the better part of a day. 

I didn't think about it, but when I sat down, I felt my shoulders release. I could breathe a little easier when I realized I don't have any laundry or dishes to do. It would be a real feat if I could get those chores done while I'm across state lines. The only downside is the persistent Christmas music playing over the speakers. Thank goodness for over the ear headphones.

I've been working through some mental garbage lately, and everyone's emotions crashing against my own has been incredibly draining. Which is exactly why I've started hoarding my alone time. 

I'm planning on doing at least a little of all the things I don't get to do on a daily basis at home. I'm going to read for pleasure. 

I have a date with an old friend. I met Jodi briefly while she was dressed up as a furry animal during a Samhain party at the RT Booklovers Convention. While both the publisher and the convention are closed for business, Jodi is still kicking ass. So I wanted to get reacquainted with her awesome sense of humor. 

My first impression of Jodi was her squeeing over her book cover on a banner at that party years ago. And her joy translates to her books, so I'm ready to giggle inappropriately today.

I'm also going to pick up my neglected journal. I've stopped doing my morning pages and I miss the scratch of the pen on the paper. I'm ready to word vomit with no pressure and add to the release I feel just being on my own without a time crunch.

I'm going to reach out to the people who have agreed to write with me and enjoy the beauty of April Fool's Day. I am incredibly excited about the group we've got coming your way in 2020. That excitement brings me the final thing I get to do today. 
I get to write. I get to put aside the timers and the rush of NaNoWriMo and luxuriate in the words that are trying to bubble to the surface. Who knows, maybe I'll even finish a book today. Maybe I'll start a new one, but the idea of writing and not having a single soul knock on the door or "check on me" is intoxicating. 

Going from always having people around to flourishing during alone time isn't easy. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, or checking on the people around me. I'm not used to the responsibilities being only for me. I'm not used to pursuing something for the sake of pleasure and allowing another person to take charge, but as I sip the now cooling coffee in my festive holiday cup, I can feel the warmth flood my whole body. 

Getting to be alone is a luxury for me. I plan to do everything but take a nap. Because they might frown on that at a coffee shop.

Do you enjoy spending time alone? What would you do with an entire day to yourself? Give me some ideas, because I just might have to do this again.

​~Roxy
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