Frankly, I also wanted to brag that I'm one day's worth of pages away from finishing a journal for the first time in my life. I've NEVER finished a journal before. I've been getting cute little diaries since the second grade, but I've never finished them. In fact, I've actively ripped pages from journals because I didn't want the gap in days to make me feel bad. And they always did.
The more empty than full pages always mocked me, and once I got past a certain time block, I just set them aside and never touched them again. I gave my journals themes. This one was only for bullet journal To Do's and lists. This one is only for family memories. This one is only for personal development classes. And on and on.
Finding the concept of morning pages, and allowing my brain to vomit out whatever I felt like writing down was a serious light bulb moment for me. I didn't always need to talk about anything important, or noteworthy. Sometimes I just needed space to let the shit out of my head long enough to figure out how to survive a day.
It also gave me a serious touch point on where my head was at. Am I struggling with emotional sludge today? Am I super motivated? Am I exhausted and need to get some sleep? I can take stock of my own mind and body and realize what kind of To Do list I am capable of, or what I need to address with someone else in my life. I don't know what I need until I let my mind focus through the act of writing it down. And it's not always a smooth stream of consciousness. Sometimes the cat decides he wants to be an ass and try to knock over a bookshelf or two. (I have some small bookshelves. And he's a big cat. And an asshole.) Sometimes I stop mid-sentence and my mind wanders so far into left field about something I need to do, that I write it down on a post-it note and slap the list on the wall above my head. I don't try and finish the sentence. I just move on.
I've worked in retail for over twenty years. I'm the queen of spin. Honesty doesn't come into play, because I have to make it seem reasonable and favorable to everyone involved. In my morning pages, I found a place where I could put aside that need to work for other people, and it wasn't always perfect, but there were some things that came out of my journal that were highlighter worthy. Many of the blogs I've written on a near daily basis came from something inside the pages of that little white and gold notebook.
I'm proud of myself for sticking to something this long. And there have been a few days I skipped. I'm not perfect. But I noticed such a difference in my attitude and focus that it was baffling to me.
I know it seems counterproductive that adding a task to my morning actually makes me accomplish more throughout the rest of the day, but there you have it. It does.
Sometimes my morning pages take me three minutes, and sometimes they take me fifteen. It all depends on what's going on around me, and how focused I am. But I've been adjusting my morning routine around these pages and this blog. These are part of my "Top 3" that will happen over anything else. (If you don't know what I mean by "Top 3" you can leaf through my #Roxys7DayChallenge posts.)
Because of my morning pages, I'm...
1. More focused.
I've zeroed in on things I need to get done, and why I want them to get done today.
2. More open.
I've had a couple of conversations with people that I might not have had the balls to start before I had my thoughts organized.
3. More confident.
There are mornings the negative self-talk seeps in, and I use my morning pages to rationally tear that bullshit apart. I'm awesome.
I'm not saying this is for everyone, and an absolute must do, but I've found so much joy in watching my pen scribble across the page each morning. Even when the words were hard, I found a place to take stock of my truth.
I've already got two more notebooks to pick from for my next morning pages journal. Which one would you choose? I can't wait to see where I end up in three more months.