This morning I woke up and got my day started with meditation. I'm using Audible's 21 Days of Meditation by Aaptiv. Today was day eight, and the type of mediation involved opening and closing one nostril at a time.
Turns out my right nostil is an asshole that only sucks in a straw stirrer's worth of air at a time, and I spent my whole meditation time wondering if I was going to pass out or hyperventilate from lack of oxygen while snuffing through only that bastard nostril.
Wait...what? This can't be a thing. I'm thoroughly convinced this can't be a thing. This has to be some woo woo hippie crap.
So what do we all do when we find out new information? I googled that shit.
No, Google, I don't need to know how to use a Neti Pot to unclog my sinuses.
I found a topic on non-allergy non-illness related medical reasons I might not be able to fully utilize my right nostril. Of course this was a medical site, so I automatically have cancer. *sigh*
But alongside the polyps, and cancerous tumors, there was also the glory of deviated septums.
Hubby actually had one of these, and surgery for it. I don't have this.
Back to google, I went until I found an article from a site called "Science Alert". (I'm not reading the whole article for you, but if you want to get actual sciencey facts, go HERE.)
Okay. Right up my alley. Now this site will tell me that Jess from the meditating woo woo world was wrong and my nose is reacting to something in my diet and I should cut out caffeine.
Not that I'd ever do that, but I swear...every damn article I read tells me all my health problems are caused by coffee. But those same experts also said lettuce was good for me, and all the damn leafy greens are now recalled for salmonella. I'll keep my coffee until they decide it's healthy again. But nope. It's not coffee. This article AGREED with Jess! Not only that, but it said we go through a "Nasal Cycle" several times a day.
What. The. Fuck.
How did I never learn about this in health class? Did I sleep through this part? Is this common knowledge?
Then the science folks dropped this one on me...
Surely this isn't a thing. I would have noticed it by now.
So what does a woman of the world do? I tried the alternating breathing technique again. If this is really a thing, and we go through these cycles every day, my nose should be on a different cycle by now. (Now it sounds like my nose is menstruating. Great.)
Scientific worldly woman that I am, I did the same technique that was in my meditation. I was going to prove that my right nostril was a bastard and the low hole on the totem pole.
I closed off the left nostril with my left thumb and inhaled.
My right side was totally open. It was performing like a champ.
Huh. Maybe I was stuffed up this morning and didn't notice? I put my right thumb to my right nostril and inhaled.
AND MY LEFT SIDE WAS NOW THE WEAK LINK. I COULDN'T BREATHE.
Guys...my mind was blown.
So if you ever see me out and about and I have my thumb against my nose, I'm not about to shoot a snot rocket. I'm just trying to see which side of my face is having a nose erection.
Did you know this was a thing? Am I the only clueless person out there who didn't know this was something our bodies did? Or do you have any wonderfully weird facts about our bodies that I need to know about. Obviously, someone needs to educate me.